by blue midget
News Flash: In case you haven’t been following it, Israeli forces entered Gaza to rescue their captured soldier.
In ye olden days, people used the telegraph or a lone, brave postman to deliver tidings. News was sparse and difficult to come by.
Today, thanks to Dan Quayle and the invention of the internet, news is abundant, not to mention redundant.
Google News is one of my main sources of news. It’s handy because it picks the day’s top headlines in a few different categories and sort of “collects” all of the articles pertaining to that particular headline for you to choose from – and for many headlines, there are anywhere between hundreds to thousands to read all about the same topic.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
Now that most of the halffull writers are back, I will reinstitute an old custom: The weekly news update. However, I need a name for my news report. Any ideas? Comment below with your suggestions.
And now for the news.
For those of you who did not follow this year’s “American Idol”, you didn’t miss much. The winner, Taylor Hicks, whom I predict in three years will be relegated to performing lounge acts in Vegas as an opening act for Tom Jones, has been recently voted as People Magazine’s Hottest Bachelor. For some bizarre reason, the masses have been charmed by his gray hair and long, shaggy eyebrows, and have somehow decided that he looks like George Clooney. I assure you, this is not the case at all. Halffull has done some extensive research and has discovered that Taylor Hicks is, in fact, Jay Leno’s mini-me. Our research is guaranteed to be factual because it was done over the internet. By ninjas. Internet ninjas. Yeah.
The rioting in France escalated to unbelievable heights over the course of a mere thirteen days. (In case you couldn’t detect it, that was sarcasm.) Violence spread to 300 towns in France, people were killed, a 50-year old disabled woman was even doused with “an inflammable liquid and set afire as she tried to get off a bus” and copycat rioting has been occurring in other European countries. The images are unsettling. France’s President, Jacques Chirac, has been largely ineffectual, as he waited a couple of days before even addressing the rioting, and after he spoke the violence escalated even further. Speaking again, he strongly stated his feelings that the rioting reflected a “profound malaise” in the community. Whoa, let’s not break out the harsh words, Jacques.
After the thirteen days of heavy rioting, the police put a curfew in effect which apparently magically made the rioting all better. Officials claim that the situation has drastically improved since enforcing the curfew. I have been especially interested in the rioting, so I have been following this activity closely. The following is a chart I put together to monitor the situation:
Blogging is on the rise and with big names the likes of Google and Yahoo supporting the growth, a backlash has begun. Professional news sources and politicians alike have been arguing that any individual who reports a news blog should follow the same laws and regulations that a “reputable” and “responsible” news source would. The question then becomes: What is “reporting” and what is “rehashing”? Most bloggers out in the intangible area that has been retardedly named the “blogsphere” aren’t really reporting any new news at all. Instead, they compile reports that they see from known, professional news sources and reinvent it on their own sites – pretty much like what we do here at Halffull. The argument against regulating this kind of news blog is that it is opinion and commentary based on other news sources, and not reporting. Regulating this kind of blog would then become a violation of first amendment rights.
Although there was not a great deal of participation, last week’s News Haikus turned out to be surprisingly popular. We’ll bring it back again soon and make it a monthly occurrence. Until then, if you spot anything newsworthy that you’d like to contribute to the next haiku news report, write something up and save it. You have about three or four weeks to come up with a little something. Until then, here’s your regular news report.
French President Jacques Chirac decided to stop being a useless tool when, after eleven nights of violent rioting, he finally decided to say something about it. I guess the first ten days of violence and burning are okay, but once you reach that eleventh day, you’ve gone way too far. Reports claim the rioting has spread to 300 towns across France and into Belgium and Germany. Last night a man was beaten to death by a rioter, becoming the first reported death since the violent outbreak. President Chirac is facing extreme criticism for his inability to handle the rioting – why this is such a surprise is anyone’s guess. Reportedly, Chirac has two different plans proposed on how to face the crisis: A) Call in US and UK forces to handle the situation and afterwards harshly criticize them before the UN for occupying France, or B) Surrender. No word yet on what the decision will be.
This week’s challenge: Write up a bit of news in haiku and post it below in the comments section. Haiku generally has three lines, the first and third line having five syllables, the second line having seven. The only real rule is that it has to include a news link in it, to show its newsworthiness.
Here are some examples:
Alito: New Choice
O sloppy seconds…
Madonna is back
Here is a secret for you:
Enough, fake accent!
Stolen photos of
Britney and Cletus offspring
Quick to whore their child
Submit your news haikus in the comments section below! And don’t be a weenie about the comments section – I don’t bite.
It was a disaster from the beginning. When President Bush nominated Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court, a loud outcry went up from conservatives everywhere. The nomination came as a huge shock to, well, just about everyone. If you normally read this site, you’re probably fairly up to date on the situation. If not, then try this and that.
When we last left off, the Senate Judiciary Committee threw a big hissy fit at the questionnaire Miers returned, and asked for more information. The revised questionnaire was due yesterday. In the meantime, Miers was continuing to meet with various Senators, and the media was reporting on Senators who had begun to change their minds in support of the President’s candidate, as well as those who were still clearly unconvinced. Commercials were appearing from conservatives who support Bush but feel the nomination was a mistake, asking for conservatives who feel likewise to sign an online petition against Miers. And the Senate waited for the revised questionnaire. And waited some more. Speculation was pouring in that the President could not rescind the nomination himself, because it would make him look even worse in this scenario.
Every week as I am searching around the internet for newsworthy items, I will sometimes run across snippets from sources that I am not familiar with, i.e., never heard of in my life. And since I do not really like to write more than one news summary per week, I try to be selective about what I rehash here. For example, early last week I found a strange snippet about Marilyn Manson coming out with a new fragrance. I wanted to put this into last week’s summary, but I had never heard of this website before, and I couldn’t find anyone remotely credible that knew anything about it either. And it’s not like I’m friends with the guy so I can’t really phone him or his “people” to confirm the story. A couple of days later, even Fark was reporting the news of this new fragrance, but I hadn’t heard of the website they were linking either. And after everyone else started mentioning it, I didn’t want to mention it anymore. Although, I’m not sure why I am concerned with reporting “factual” information anyway, since no one else is.
Speaking of which… Out to prove to the public that the media lies, Michelle Kosinski of “The Today Show” was reporting on location about the New Jersey floods, live on camera, sitting in a canoe to demonstrate the severity of the flooding… as two men walked in front of the camera, the water only up to their ankles. By the way, there’s probably a job opening on “The Today Show” if any up and coming reporters are looking for a job. Qualifications include a minor in theatre. The link I added goes to Newsbusters, and if you scroll down a bit on their article, you can click to download the canoe debacle. Whatever happened to trustworthy, ethical news sources? Someone bring back Gary Gnu – that’s a name you can trust.
I’ve received questions from a couple of people now, asking what the real deal with Harriet Miers is. If you haven’t been able to follow the hand grenades being lobbed around, or you’re intentionally trying to avoid the whole thing, I don’t blame you one bit. Given that all of my information on Miers was obtained via the media, I can’t promise that all I am about to say is entirely true. But it’s all been in the media, whatever that means.
To start, Wikipedia has a summary on Miers, including biography, awards, government service, career, blah blah blah. Down at the bottom there are a variety of news links and various websites pertaining to her. Click if you feel lucky. Well, do ya, punk?