Category: Life

Game Developers Are Out Of Control

by blue midget

The Massively Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Game craze is sweeping the globe, and there’s a game out there for almost everyone. Do you want to be a Jedi Knight? You can! Do you want to live in outer space like a pirate, mining resources and fighting enemy groups? You can! Do you want to be an elf, prancing around through the trees like Legolas? Go for it, fairy!

And the games keep on coming. Every gaming company out there seems to be working on their own online game, where millions of people across the globe can come together in a glorious bloodbath, shooting and stabbing or nuking each other for the sake of phat lewts and glory! Or they’re an elf traipsing through the treetops saying things like “Come thou brother, let us dine together on the fruit of the land and not our noble friends of ye olde forest!”

Given my current list of priorities and commitments, I really only have time for one online game. To pay for a second or third online game would be a waste – to me, anyway. (That $15 per month is latte money – and no one, not even a good game, is going to come between me and an egg nog latte.) However, I do like to sign up for the occasional beta if the title interests me. On the other hand, I have a friend who is kind of a gaming slut – he gives it away to all of the games. And as such, signs up for everything.

The Lord of the Rings Online Beta has opened its doors to a new batch of wannabe testers (myself included) for their stress test. When I received my notification, I emailed my game slut friend to ask him if he was also invited to the stress test. The email I received in response sounded offended, yet befuddled, as he relayed to me that he was not invited. Instead, he received the invitation for the following beta:

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Ask Blue Midget: Where Are You?

by blue midget

Dear Blue Midget,

Halffull usually has updates every day, but over the past week there have only been a couple of updates to the site. How come you haven’t put much up?

A Reader

My Dearest Reader,

I write to you under the direst of circumstances. In this place where I have been trapped, the laws of time and space have no meaning. I am trapped in a state of limbo – a purgatory of sorts, if you will. There is little to sustain me in this place and I feel my mind slipping away, succumbing to the strange sound of bad 80’s music whispering so softly in the back of my mind. It is as if I am waiting in an eternal line-up of poor wretched souls, also trapped in the same damned fate:

I have been stuck in a check-out line at the grocery store since Thursday night.

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It’s Not Funny Anymore

by blue midget

Considering how much I write about current television programs, you’d think that I watch a lot of it. I really don’t; it just gives me something to write about. And when I do watch TV, I’m an extreme channel changer so I don’t watch just one show – I am watching anywhere between three to five shows at one time. I like to drift in and out of different shows because even if you miss a couple minutes of something, you can generally figure out what happened. Well, unless it’s the Food Network’s Spooky Cake Competition, because you know my ass is glued to that action.

When it comes to television and ratings, for some reason the 20-something demographic is the highly coveted viewer for many stations. And I am not sure why, because a lot of them (or you or your peers – whomever I’m speaking to) really don’t know what the hell is so funny anymore. For some odd reason, television producers are bringing back things that were cool right around the time the now-20-somethings were born, and many of them are hanging on to the principle that these things used to be cool and funny, yet are no longer what they once were. Their prime has passed. Let them go. Aren’t sure which ones I’m talking about? Here are two for you:

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Catholicism and You… Actually, Just Catholicism. Forget About You.

by blue midget

Since the passing of the previous Pope and the appointment of Pope Benedict, I have been giving the institution of the Catholic Church a great deal of thought. More so than I usually do, that is. This, of course, I attribute to all of the media that has been surrounding the Catholic Church as of late. When I normally see something strange and topical regarding Catholicism, I usually nod with that bland look on my face and say, “Ah,” as if I were entertaining the notions of a child, or a traveler who went in search of the truth and somehow lost sight of the goal.

As the centuries pass, evolution and transition of management can push an institution farther and farther from the reason they were established in the first place. And the Catholic Church is taking a lot of poor, lost souls with them. This makes me furious, as the Catholic Church has demanded that members of this sect put their trust and faith completely into the institution and Catholic leaders – those in robes and pointy hats – to guide them to… Heaven? Goodness? Brownie points with Jesus? Get out of hell free cards? I wonder if followers even know anymore.

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The Holy Land

by blue midget

A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00.”

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, “Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here and spend only $150.00?”

The man replied, “A man died here 2,000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.”

Ask Blue Midget Absolutely Nothing

by blue midget

Well, it’s been quite a while since I’ve received any emails to my Ask Blue Midget address, which is a big problem for my “Ask Blue Midget” column. Therefore, I will have to resort to sending myself emails.

Dear Myself,

What did you do this weekend?

Your pal,

Hi Pal! Thanks for sending me an email. You know, I feel so close to you, like I could tell you anything. In fact, I’m going to upgrade you from “pal” to “best friend evar”! We’ll be a dynamic duo – like Britney Spears and Cheetos!

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The Deep End

by blue midget

Over the past couple of days I have found it difficult to write you any sort of worthy entry because something has been weighing heavily upon my mind. Unfortunately, in a case like this, I can’t write anything else until I get it off my chest. It’s creative blockage of sorts quite similar to constipation, but without the prune juice or strained voice. Fear not, I will be returning with more sarcasm very soon. Until then, you get Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.

This weekend during my Saturday class, our professor showed a video of some strange Yoko Ono-type artist. Of course I cannot recall his name so you’re just going to have to trust me on this one. His paintings and drawings were not what I would consider “artful” and his music was more of a bizarre emotional expression and statement than traditional compositions. For example, at one point in the documentary, said artist was creating “music” by rubbing a feather against a cactus while his long time friend was ballet dancing to the sound it made. I’m being serious. The piano compositions were all structured noises by banging on the keys – something I have been required to do in music theory classes, but not as actual pieces of music. His loud banging was a composition based on the Holocaust, so the distressed noises made sense after seeing the title, although I still can’t figure out why anyone would pay money to listen to it. The composition was certainly a thought-provoking statement, but not necessarily beautiful. I appreciated the documentary in that it was completely different than my perception of art, and my understanding of other people’s idea of art was stretched just a bit farther.

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Celebrities Are Bat Shiat Crazy

by blue midget

At some point in celebrities’ useless lives, they cease to exist as celebrities and become brand names. This disturbing trend is becoming more and more commonplace and the rest of us “little people” can’t seem to get enough. The media is completely obsessed with the goings-on of the rich and famous, stalking them day and night, photographing them everywhere they go and reporting any rumor they can get their grubby little hands on, no matter how insane. Television shows are dedicated solely to reporting the amount of money celebs spend on clothing, where they went on vacation or how much their spectacularly stupid weddings cost; complete with timer to tell you how long the marriage lasted. The paparazzi thrives because a lot of people are infatuated with the goings on of the world’s celebrities – and how much we can make fun of them. I’m one of those people.

The Rise and Degradation of Britney Spears

Britney Spears has released a new perfume, the second fragrance of her beauty product line. This came as a huge shock to me because, judging from her recent appearance, I thought her to be the last person on earth to have any association with beauty products, let alone an entire line of products. Although it’s not as if Britney is actually throwing herself into a think-tank with scientists and beauticians to brainstorm these commodities: that would be cosmetic powerhouse Elizabeth Arden, and Britney’s name is simply the brand. Sadly, Britney is not smart enough to think of those things on her own.

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Wet Shaving, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Blade

by redshift

Let’s take a little test, shall we? Don’t worry, you’ll like it.

  • Do you enjoy waking up in the morning?
  • Are you a discerning gentleman who enjoys the good things in life?
  • When you go into work, do you look like you’ve shaved with…
    • … a chainsaw?
    • … a wet badger?
    • … nothing? (au naturale)

Ok, that last one was a trick question. Badger is correct.

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Important Dates

by blue midget

Over the next couple of months there are some important things happening. Basically, it’s my chance to tell you what awesome books and games are being released, as well as some holidays and their history – for both U.S. and Canada (Annual Bathtub Races!). I don’t really have a beat on what’s happening for movies because they’re so expensive and so lame as of late that I haven’t really been paying attention. But if you know of any that needs mentioning, post below in the comments section with a date. Or if I missed anything else that you feel is particularly worth noting, comment below.

Wednesday, September 21
ABC’s Lost – That’s tomorrow people, so get on the ball! If you want to catch up, here is a site that gives you a general rundown for each episode. For more details and spoilers, click “Recap” under each episode listing. It’s definitely worth catching up on for tomorrow night.

Monday, September 26
Sly 3: Honor Among Thieves is released for PS2 – Great game for all ages, fun quests and puzzles, a whole lot of fun. Thumbs up for Sly and the gang. I have a friend who has played the last two with his six year old daughter, and confirms that they are age appropriate – for the both of them.

Tuesday, September 27
Family Guy: Stewie Griffin, the Untold Story DVD. Previously unseen material except by those who have been downloading it for free. He commands you to buy it.

Monday, October 3
Oktoberfest Ends — Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to drink as much beer as you possibly can until Oktoberfest ends. Do we have any readers who are beer connoisseurs? Post below with your recommendations and we’ll get it added here.

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