Game Developers Are Out Of Control

by blue midget

The Massively Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Game craze is sweeping the globe, and there’s a game out there for almost everyone. Do you want to be a Jedi Knight? You can! Do you want to live in outer space like a pirate, mining resources and fighting enemy groups? You can! Do you want to be an elf, prancing around through the trees like Legolas? Go for it, fairy!

And the games keep on coming. Every gaming company out there seems to be working on their own online game, where millions of people across the globe can come together in a glorious bloodbath, shooting and stabbing or nuking each other for the sake of phat lewts and glory! Or they’re an elf traipsing through the treetops saying things like “Come thou brother, let us dine together on the fruit of the land and not our noble friends of ye olde forest!”

Given my current list of priorities and commitments, I really only have time for one online game. To pay for a second or third online game would be a waste – to me, anyway. (That $15 per month is latte money – and no one, not even a good game, is going to come between me and an egg nog latte.) However, I do like to sign up for the occasional beta if the title interests me. On the other hand, I have a friend who is kind of a gaming slut – he gives it away to all of the games. And as such, signs up for everything.

The Lord of the Rings Online Beta has opened its doors to a new batch of wannabe testers (myself included) for their stress test. When I received my notification, I emailed my game slut friend to ask him if he was also invited to the stress test. The email I received in response sounded offended, yet befuddled, as he relayed to me that he was not invited. Instead, he received the invitation for the following beta:

Acclaim is creating a first-of-its-kind massively multiplayer club dancing
game.

Our brand new online game called DANCE! has been kept secret while under
development, and now will be ready for Closed Beta testing in the coming
weeks. DANCE! is a really fun and addictive FREE online game that brings
the best chart-topping music and dancing gameplay right to your PC!

  • Synchronize with the beat to perform the hottest club-style dance moves.
  • Play with your friends and compete in dance battles to see who can keep up.
  • Customize your character just the way you want to look, with cool clothing, accessories and special abilities.
  • Meet other male and female players online, become a couple, or even get married!

DANCE! will also include an unbelievable roster of hit music from some of
the top music artists on the planet (The amazing playlist is soon to be
announced!). As it’s a game for you, we’re putting the final power of
choice into your hands–by signing up, you’ll be invited to vote for the
best songs.

The game is directed by video game industry veteran David Perry. “I’ve been
a huge fan of dancing games for years. For this game we’ve been secretly
working with incredible developers to be the first to bring a really cool
Massively Multiplayer Online Dance style game to the market,” says Perry.

Wut?
The pale-skinned people who tan only by the light of their computer monitors have drunk deeply from the crazy-well, and come up with online Dancing. Why? Because the Dance Dance Revolution market was apparently just begging to be tapped into. Curious, stunned, and filled with a sense of loathing, I visited the Dance! Online site. The FAQ reads (italics mine):

Are you ready to DANCE!?

No.

DANCE! Is an amazing new FREE ‘club style‘ dancing game that lets you hang out with your friends, and challenge them on the dance floor.

Popozao?
Popozao?

With the most incredible selection of hit songs from some of the best recording artists in the world, DANCE! always backs up your moves with awesome music tracks.

Her music is so, like, good, it makes her cry when she hears it. You will too.

Paris Hilton Album Cover

Because your ears will be bleeding.

Male or female, you’ll get the chance to create your own dance teams and even compete in nationwide dance battles and competitions!

Because when someone dances at you, and you dance back, then IT’S ON!

South Park

DANCE! gives you the option to customize your character, to showcase your individual personality. Choose from a huge selection of hair styles, accessories and hip clothes to make your character one of a kind!

Pretty fly for a white guy.

Pretty Fly for a White Guy

Once you’re looking good and dancing well, you can expect to find your perfect mate, fall in love, become a couple, enter couples competitions together, and even GET MARRIED!!

Cyber!

Meet new friends, make connections, have fun, and show the clubs that you’ve become a dancing superstar!

What are you waiting for!?

I’m waiting because all common sense and dignity dictate that I refrain. In all honesty, I can see how an online version of Dance Dance Revolution would appeal to many people, but from what I can see it has spiraled out of control. Run for your lives, people. Run from this ridiculousness, I say!