King Peen’s Making the Tramps 3

by blue midget

So far, Puff Daddy is 0 and 2 for making anything. But that doesn’t stop him, oh no. That’s because he’s like a mall developer whose biggest attraction is an old, disgusting Sears that no one shops in. Bound and determined, this entrepreneur will go to great lengths to polish up any smelly turd and sell it to the masses.

Let’s recap. There was a Making the Band 1, but King Peen had nothing to do with it. In fact, I barely even remember this show. If I am correct, someone auditioned a bunch of guys and made a boy band. It was a horrible flop. Not that I’m complaining; this boy band sucked and disappeared just as quickly as they had come in.

Perhaps this reality show had great ratings, and that’s what gave someone the bright idea for a Puff Daddy version of the show. Maybe it was even something from Diddy’s own mind. I don’t know, but P. Diddy’s Making the Band was born.


First, my disclaimer: Everyone has their own tastes in music, even in defining what real music is. For the most part, a genre of music is something that you identify with. Or at the very least, can appreciate its contribution to the overall evolution of music. The band that was being put together was a Rap/R&B band, and I’m afraid that I just don’t get Rap music. It isn’t something that I can identify with or really appreciate, so when I watched Making the Band 2, I couldn’t really say one way or another if the contestants showed an iota of talent. The singing is easy for me to judge, but the rapping – I was at a complete loss. In the case of this reality show it really didn’t matter, because everyone with a bit of common sense knows a train wreck when we see one. And that’s exactly what was happening on the screen. Instead of a show about making a Rap/R&B band, it turned into a whacked-out season of “The Real World” where Puff Daddy and his cohorts went to great lengths to teach a bunch of ingrates how to have a good work ethic. I couldn’t turn my eyes away. Not that I stayed up late to watch it, but I did enjoy sitting down for the reruns when they aired.

In all honesty, these young people were handed a dream of a lifetime on a silver platter – and they scoffed at it. In the end, King Peen, their boss, asked for a meeting on a specific date, and only two members of the band showed up for the meeting. Peen fires the band and only retains two members in his organization. If you don’t do what your boss asks, you get fired. Welcome to real life, you ingrates.

Now, granted, this is a reality show and there were probably a ton of other things that went on but were not shown on television. What are being aired are the highlights and most outrageous moments, and the story is most likely skewed. Still, from what I could tell, it seemed that once some of these people made the band, they did not seem to work as hard as they should have. In the end, the band was a bust. I don’t even know if anything happened to the two members that were retained. As I do not follow the rap scene, I really couldn’t tell you if they ever ended up being successful. If you know, enlighten us and comment below.

As they say, “At first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” Perhaps King Peen is a glutton for punishment. If you ask me, I’d say it is for certain because he came back with Making the Band 3, where he sent his minions out into the U.S. to find a group of scantily clad, skinny young girls who could sing and dance. He sets them up in a ridiculously lavish New York penthouse, and puts them to work with his staff who is supposedly going to sing and dance them to stardom. Needless to say, he ended up with only a couple of girls who could sing or dance. He dismisses them and says he needs time to think about it. All the girls go home, and Puff Daddy goes back to doing whatever a Peen does when they are King of all they survey.

Months later, he calls the girls back and realizes what the audience knew all along – he was looking at another potential turd. In the end he decides that he will continue the search for a band, dismissing all of the current contestants except for three: A blonde girl who can sing and dance, a brunette who can sing and sort of dance, and a not-so-cute woman who can neither sing nor dance but worked really hard on their months off, taking all kinds of dance and voice lessons yet still cannot sing or dance. He should have just cut her then and there, but Diddy liked how hard she had been working during their time off. Let us give a brief moment of silence for the collective shaking of our heads.

And now, we’re back for Making the Band 3, Season Two. King Peen’s minions are sent forth once again to bring back another gaggle of scantily-clad girls who will sing and dance their hearts out, exploiting themselves for a chance at being in Diddy’s girl band. The girls (along with the three from the previous season) return to the New York penthouse that was used in the last season. It is here that they find all of the previous amenities were removed, most of the bedroom doors were barred off, and everything was stripped down to a boot camp-style room with bunk beds. So now we’re looking at a group of young, whiny girls who are competing against each other; living together in the one room. Let the games begin!

Actually the first couple of shows drew a bored yawn from me, but it just recently got interesting. But before I get into it, I have to say this: I’m not really sure how they’re trying to “develop” this band. Any singing group must be, in a sense, cultivated. You can’t just take five or six soloists and throw them together into a singing group. Making a choir of sorts (which is essentially what he’s trying to do) is something that takes hard work and a lot of practice. You can’t just throw together a bunch of amateurs with semi-decent voices and expect to get an instant Destiny’s Child. Half of these girls can’t even sing correctly, and anyone who has been trained vocally should know that. What should be happening is that these girls receive solo vocal training for at least an hour or two every day or every other day and as a group, a few hours a day, every day, by some sort of professional choir director. When that’s done, at night they should head off for a few hours of dance. Somewhere in this boot camp, they should get a bit of food and sleep.

But no, this is a reality show; a train wreck that we cannot look away from… Except for these last couple of episodes where these girls are somehow separated into groups of four or five and tossed out onto street corners to sing pop songs that are actually quite difficult vocally. You know the sound a cat makes when it is being tossed into a bathtub? That’s the image I get when I listen to these girls sing. I actually had to change the channel because the sound was so horrible, I couldn’t bear it. Like every train wreck, there comes a point when the carnage of humanity is so horrible that we cannot bear to look. In the same spirit, these girls were so horrible that I couldn’t bear to listen. Paula Abdul is a more pleasing sound, and that is saying a lot.

When they’re done, they all come in and sing for Puff Daddy and his minions, who then decide on who is cut from this round. I’m shocked and perplexed that he didn’t cut them all, because that’s how horrible they sounded. If that were me, I would have run screaming into the night. But the King is strong. The King wants a band. Or, at the very least, he wants a lot of money for an excruciatingly painful reality series.

And what’s a boot camp without some running? Yes! How about a group of out-of-shape girls running? Yes please! How about out-of-shape girls running six miles? Hooray! How about out-of-shape girls running six miles while King Peen rides alongside in a cart pulled by a little man, while shouting insults at the girls with a megaphone? Awesome! What if he makes them dance for him afterwards, and whoever sucks gets cut? Now that’s just good television!

I think he’s trying to kill them. Whoever is left alive or uninjured can be in the band. See, he’s got them running six miles – one girl twisted something or injured her hip or something bizarre, because she’s leaving the show for injuries. And according to the previews for the next show, yet another girl is injured and leaving. The funny thing is, I think Puff Daddy really believes that he knows what he is doing.

I’m not really sure what Puff Daddy is making, other than a disaster. But he’s making it, the only way that King Peen can. All hail King Peen!