It’s a Turd! It’s More Blame! Yes – It’s the News!

by blue midget

Because I avoided the news like a plague last week, I feel as though I’m running to catch up on everything that’s happening. And there’s quite a bit going on, so I felt this warranted another news update.

A special elected House of Reps committee is investigating the foul-up surrounding Hurricane Katrina. Earlier this week they interviewed former FEMA Director Michael Brown. “Wow,” is about all I can say to this debacle. A couple of weeks ago I noted that in the myriad of people who didn’t handle the hurricane crisis correctly, someone was going to have to go down for it all, because it’s not going to be President Bush, and every politician around wants to get as far away from this clusterf*ck as possible. Michael Brown has stepped up to the plate with enthusiasm, donning a large bullseye on his forehead like a moron. Among the horrific claims he made, he told the committee that his two biggest mistakes were that he did not hold a press conference immediately after he arrived in Louisiana and that he “did not recognize that Louisiana was dysfunctional,” referring to dissention between New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin and Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco that ultimately caused response failure. But why stop there when you’re on a roll? Brown hit bottom when he stated the FEMA is not a first response agency, instead, it is a coordinator of the first response agencies. Yep, just when you thought he couldn’t make it any worse, he did. Representative Christopher Shays, a Republican from Connecticut, became nasty at this point and justifiably so when he said, “I’m glad you left. Because that kind of, you know, look in the lights like a deer tells me that you weren’t capable to do the job.” Hey, now that there’s a large moving target of idiocy in the forefront, everyone else can jump out of the way.


Tom Delay, the #2 Republican in the House of Reps and one of President Bush’s top aides, as been indicted for conspiring to violate Texas election law by contributing corporate money to certain candidates for the Texas Legislature. Because Republican House rules dictate that anyone under indictment must relinquish their leadership roles, at least temporarily, Delay has stepped down. In his stead, the GOP has unanimously elected Missouri Republican House Majority Whip Roy Blunt, known for being completely different than Delay. Smart choice for the GOP.

Sometime today, John Roberts will, most likely, be confirmed as the United States’ 17th Chief Justice. In case you are not really sure who he is and what he stands for, you’re not alone. As other Justices were recommended that they did not have to answer questions, Roberts has followed suit. This has made plenty of Democrats nervous, but it is still assumed that he will still be confirmed shortly today. Wikipedia has a nice biography on Roberts, as well as a list of cases he argued before the court. You can find it here. ABC News also reports an informative biography that you can find here.

In music news, Ricky Martin thinks he’s Justin Timberlake. The Latin hottie (hot to all women aged 65 and up) appears in his newest video for the single “I Don’t Care” dressed in ripped, used jeans, t-shirt and super-short hair cut – basically he’s trying to look a bit more “street” by going with the closest thing he can get to a Justin Timberlake impersonation. In short, Martin has been tricked into thinking that world has forgiven and forgotten all about “Livin’ La Vida Loca”, but is terribly mistaken and should crawl back into his hole for another ten years. Don’t call us, Ricky, we’ll call you.

Lynndie England, the young Army soldier who was photographed sexually degrading Iraqi prisoners, was given three years in prison and dishonorably discharged. I have nothing funny to say about this, sorry. When I saw this in the news for the first time over a year ago, I was sickened and outraged. The rest of the planet hates us so much as it is, yet we just keep giving them more reasons to despise us. On the other hand, I’ve heard the argument that what happened was tame compared to the way our prisoners have been treated – and it’s true. But it doesn’t matter, I’m still furious over this.

Jennifer Love Hewitt visited an exorcist, in an attempt to help her “acting” for her new show, “Watch Me, I Have Big Boobs” – er, I mean, “The Ghost Whisperer”. Shortly after her visit, she started seeing “strange” things. Moron, I mean, Jennifer, claims that while she was showering, a male ghost appeared and was staring her down. “He had a crush on me,” she said, “and liked to see me showering.” I don’t know about anyone else, but I love it when they put idiots in the news.

James Bond producers should be making a decision on the next 007 for the new film, “Casino Royale” by next week. Pierce Brosnan is back in the running, and is rumored to be the forerunner. Other candidates are Sam Worthington, Daniel Craig, Henry Cavill, and Goran Visnjic, whom I have never ever heard of in my entire life, and I was too lazy to get links from IMDB for you. Bite me.

Joss Whedon’s Serenity is out in theaters tomorrow, and has been getting rave reviews. Here’s one from moviehole.net: click me. This is apparently going to be a great flick, even for those who didn’t watch the television show.