International “Talk Like A Pirate Day”

by blue midget

Today is International “Talk Like A Pirate Day”! Hopefully I’m not the only person who finds this particularly lame. Apparently, a couple of really bored guys decided it would be cool if the entire world and all the people in it had a designated day for people everywhere to talk like a pirate. This is not cool, nor is it entertaining. Should anyone talk like a pirate to me, I will proceed to jam my pen up their nose. In fact, I’m going to reclaim today as “Talking Like Pirates Is For Losers Day”. Got that, matey?

Still, should you insist on talking like a pirate, the website has a small list of pirate jargon and useful definitions for the most inexperienced seafarer, including some top ten lists such as the one listed below.

Note to readers: The pick up lines below will definitely not work.

Top 10 Pirate Pick-Up Lines
10. Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
8. Come on up and see me urchins.
7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
6. I’d love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if I fired me cannon through your porthole?
4. How’d you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.
2. Well blow me down?
1. Prepare to be boarded.

Today’s notable events include:

Today, back in 1983, the final episode of MASH aired.

President James A. Garfield died this day in 1881. He was our 20th president.

Today is the birthday of:
Adam West
Paul Williams
Jimmy Fallon

In Japan, today is “Respect for the Aged” Day. If you don’t respect old people, you will dishonor everyone in the entire world and your head will hang in shame. FOREVER.

And most importantly, dessert trumps pirates any day: National Butterscotch Pudding Day is today — and that’s ten times better than talking like a pirate.