PSA: The Disconnect Between Science and Life

by blue midget

In the formative years of our schooling, our teachers labored in vain, striving to teach the rules of life through the means of math and science. And as children, we didn’t understand. Instead, we mocked them and ridiculed them and didn’t do our homework. We repeatedly asked the question that would come back to haunt us later in life: “Why am I learning this if I will never apply it to real life?” And we were wrong to challenge, so very wrong.

Today, those who dare defy math and science walk among us every day. It is a cruel reminder of how we scorned the knowledge given so freely in our youth. It is also a tragedy.

I find these individuals mostly at the mall. Most of them are women. This, of course, has nothing to do with the archaic prejudice that women just aren’t good at math and science. Oh no, many women are just fine at math and science; it’s just that many of them have disconnected the principles of math and science with what they’re wearing. Or, should I say, have attempted to squeeze their fat asses into.

You see, the fashion of the season is for pants that dip past the butt crack, and as usual, these fashions are for anorexic girls wearing a size “negative ten.” This is fine for Fiona Apple and all other coke-fiend look-alikes, but for normal sized people (simply put, there is no such thing as normal sized or normal shaped people), this just isn’t going to happen. And yet, women all over the Americas attempt to follow in this disturbing trend.

Allow me to explain. In our society today we, irrespective of gender, have a tendency to feel dissatisfied with our physical appearance. Many of us go to great lengths to improve our appearance. For many women, it is the attempt to squeeze their butts into a pair of pants two sizes too small. Here is where we find the disconnect between science and daily life. You may remember this from Junior High science:

Matter can neither be created nor destroyed.

So, you see, you’ve managed to squeeze yourself into the pants that are two sizes too small, but since matter can neither be created nor destroyed, your fat ass has been squeezed up into your waist and you’re looking like a s’more that’s been sat upon and all the marshmallow is being squeezed out of the sides. When you’ve accomplished this feat and your pants are fastened, you feel great, and continue your ensemble with a short, tight shirt, which accents your middle that’s spilling out over your pants like the cheese on a quarter pounder. My message to you is clear: This only makes you look even more out of proportion and large. Also, you look like a moron.

There are clothes out there that fit. Wear them.

PSA: Donating to Charities

by blue midget

In the wake of recent tragedies, not just Hurricane Katrina but also from catastrophes and tragedies that have been happening around the world, we are moved to help in some way. Charities are practically tripping over themselves to get onto every news channel possible so they can tell millions of Americans how they can contribute hard-earned dollars to their relief efforts. Websites are also creating their own means for donating, and thousands upon thousands of dollars are being raised so that the money can… uh, wait. I just gave you $100 – what is it that you stand for and where is my money going?

And this is the problem. It’s wonderful to donate, and I encourage anyone who has the means to do so, but before you give any organization or individual your money, be sure that you have looked into who they are, what they stand for, and where that money is going. The point of donating is so that nearly every penny you give will reach the people in need. Before you give, go to a website and look at what they stand for. Try to do a little bit of research into an organization before you give. It’s not enough to just recognize the charity name and and write them a check – go to their website and look into their mission statement first. Be sure that you agree with what the organization stands for and how they are going to use your money before you give.