Kerry v. Bush, Or: Big Government v. Big Government

by hulk

It’s as-good-as official, Kerry is gonna be the Democratic candidate for President, and maybe Edwards will be his running mate. Like it matters. The fact is the voters aren’t even being given a choice between the lesser of two evils in November, they’re getting nothing but crap. The only real choice will be whether you want Democrats or Republicans running all the departments, and whether we’re gonna continue to be aggressive against terrorism or whether we’ll politely ask the UN to let us not be killed. Why am I so cynical? Because of Bush’s track record on the war on Government, and Kerry’s outright promises to support the Government’s side. Yes, it is a War on Government, and it’s a war we’ve been fighting since the beginning of the nation. We get taught in our history books to laud the Revolution but to mock the Whiskey Rebellion, or another other assertation of states or people’s rights versus the rights of the government. In later chapters, we’re taught how FDR saved the world with his New Deal and with increased government spending, and taxation. Wealth redistribution at the point of a gun. How wonderful.

So what does Kerry offer us? If you don’t mind this getting lengthy, I’d like to copy and paste directly from John Kerry’s website.

“The first thing John Kerry will do is fight his heart out to bring back the three million jobs that have been lost under George W. Bush. He will fight to restore the jobs lost under Bush in the first 500 days of his administration. Kerry has proposed creating jobs through a new manufacturing jobs credit, by investing in new energy industries, restoring technology, and stopping layoffs in education.

“John Kerry has a plan to secure America’s economic future and ensure that workers can achieve the American dream in our changing economy. John Kerry has the courage to roll back Bush’s tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can invest in education and healthcare. He isn’t afraid to crack down on corporations that are hiding their money in Bermuda to avoid paying their fair share and will end special tax giveaways to companies that ship jobs abroad. And he will defend the rights of workers, consumers and shareholders in holding corporations accountable for their actions. ” –www.johnkerry.com

Hoo boy. Yeah. Let’s tear into this one. The manufacturing tax credit sounds like a bunch of crap, artificially floating manufacturing solves nothing. And restoring jobs in education, great, because the problem is not enough administrative roles in the Department of Education, or in our schools. Yes, that is what you’re getting, not more teachers, more consultants and paper jockeys to come up with bright ideas on how to teach kids. How do I know? I don’t, so don’t quote me on that. Next. Restoring technology? Yes, Bush abolished technology. You didn’t read about that? He declared technology illegal. Wait, what’s technology? I have no fucking clue, um…everything? Sure, let’s define “everything” as technology, because that’s just as meaningless. Moving right along, and backwards, investing in new energy industries. Wind power is the solution. Here’s an idea, John, can I call you John? You love Kyoto so much. Let’s encourage the growth of an environmental compliance industry. No, not consultiing, but building the equipment power plants need to reduce their pollution. More jobs. New technology. We could sell it abroad too and steal the market from the Japanese. Less pollution. And we wouldn’t have to give up coal, one of our biggest resources. But you’re right, your idea to build more wind turbines and solar plants is so much better. By the way, wind turbines are notoriously unreliable because they DEPEND ON THE WIND, and you only get enough solar power out of a square meter to power a light bulb. But I’ll shut up.

Next paragraph. Repeal the tax cuts. For education and healthcare. COUGH. WEALTH REDISTRIBUTION. COUGH, COUGH. COMMUNISM. COUGH. Sorry, I thought I saw a red herring (I don’t know what that means, but I heard it in ‘Clue’. Great movie.) Yeah, let’s see, tax cuts are only for wealthy Americans because…oh wait, no they’re not, they’re for everyone. The wealthiest just get the biggest rebate because they pay the most. That’s craziness! Someone fix that! They shouldn’t get thier money back! That money needs to go to the black hole that is health care in this country considering everyone’s a whiny sick person anymore with all sorts of made up mental illnesses and “diseases”, like obesity. I’m not kidding, the government classifies obesity as a disease these days. And education. Not improving the scores of children. No, because no one actually wants that. No, that money will go to our already overpaid teachers, and their union. Why should a teacher get paid so much when they can’t perform? Oh, because if we pay them more they’ll do a better job. HA! Sorry, I accidentally laughed. So yeah, let’s repeal those tax cuts, because you didn’t deserve that money back. The government knows how to spend it better than you. By the way, give us a huge percentage of your posessions so we can spend it on social programs and give it to our buddies. It’s legal because we’re a government. Excuse me while I get sick.

Don’t worry though, and keep reading, because this is a dual-party attack. What do we get from Bush? Well, gee, George, I remember back on the campaign trail in 2000 you promised to bring down Big Government. And we got…the Department of Homeland Security. We couldn’t just fix INS, no, we needed a whole new department. And to spend a huge sum of money to hire and train airport security personnel. We couldn’t just make the rules more strict and keep it private. No, we needed to make that a government operation. Then we got a war. Two actually. I supported both, but still, more spending. And continually more spending, because we need MORE toys. So after that lovely Department of Don’t-Say-Bomb-At-The-Airport-Or-We’ll-Shoot…wait, I need to take a sidetrack here.

Does anyone else find this ridiculous? It doesn’t matter if you have a bomb or not. Saying the word bomb, just saying it, gets you arrested. Joking about it gets you arrested. Saying certain words gets you arrested at airports. You don’t actually have to do anything. And you don’t even need to cause a panic! You can joke to an airport screener, ‘oh I have a bomb in there,’ and you will get arrested. Not because you had a bomb. Because you joked about it…and that sorta might mean you, um…had a bomb? Even though there is no bomb? Oh wait, no, it’s a situation where mentioning the act is criminal, when only the act itself should be criminal. I’m sure they’ll have brain scanners soon enough such that thinking the word bomb will get you arrested. Since we’ve gotten more screeners, we’ve stopped plenty of people who…well… said the word bomb. Remember, if someone jokes about a bomb, the terrorists win.

Back to the main point here. So after all that, Bush gives us tax cuts. Hooray. Then…a deficit. Yeah. Did he come up with a smaller budget? No. He just put us into a deficit. Under the theory that you could starve the beast. Here’s the problem with that. It’s not like starving a little chihuahua chained to a wall. You’re starving a rottweiler. If you don’t give it the food, it’ll come and rip your arm off. And that’s what Congress is gonna do. They’re gonna tell us (it’ll happen) that to pay for the government’s spending they need to raise taxes. They can’t cut spending, that’s insane. We’ve got too many programs now. FDR, you may have single-handedly brought down the nation by starting this big-government-spending nonsense. Thanks a whole fucking lot. Now politicians consider it their right to take our money, at the point of a gun, to spend it how they see fit. I am so happy about that. But I’m not even done here. Bush has also restricted free trade. Yes, I typed that correctly. Mr. Free-Trade has enacted steel tariffs, is trying to get China to raise its dollar, and is in favor of more tariffs. You might be thinking, but tariffs protect us, and the chinese are killing us in manufacturing. Well think about this one, who owns most of those “Chinese” companies? Yep, it’s us. Chinese laborers, sure, but our companies. And who buys the products? Us again. And who buys that steel? Well, lots of people, lots of industries. Who’s hurt by steel tariffs? Allllll those industries. Do you want to pay more for your office rental space because the building cost too much because of steel tariffs? Didn’t think so. Do you want to pay $24.99 for a DVD at Walmart because things cost more from China? Didn’t think so. “Protective” tariffs are artificial shields in the free market, they ultimately just end up hurting everyone involved. If the steel industry is suffering, it’s either because they’re doing something wrong or because they just can’t compete on the level that others can. The product is either inferior or too expensive, or a combination thereof, and therefore they need to get out of the business. Sure it looks bad, shut down companies and out-of-work laborers, but the free-market’s at work, and new opportunities can spring up when costs aren’t kept artificially high to keep a lobby happy.

Overall? Either candidate will take your money and laugh at you for being so powerless. So if you wanna vote about something, vote about how much you hate the UN. Or vote on whether or not you think that John Kerry/Jane Fonda picture’s a fake. You get to choose!