The History of Japan

by hulk

The Japanese have a long history of getting their culture from other peoples. Several thousand months ago, they copied Zen Buddhism from the Chinese. Then they did a bunch of stuff with sand, rocks, and little odd-shaped trees. They were a feudal society until about 60 years ago when General Macarthur threw the Emperor into the Pacific Ocean. Simultaneously, the US soldiers removed their weapons and taught the Japanese about pornography. The nation was immediately revitalized, as artists set to drawing pictures of women in impossible proportions. There’s also something about Godzilla in there, he’s this really cool giant death-lizard who represents the horror man has potentially unleashed upon himself by building the A-bomb.

Anyway, the pornography industry continued in Japan until they discovered television, when they started making cartoons, called anime, which involved, again, impossibly sized women with unnatural hair colors. Thus was born cartoon porn. Anime also involved having a character hang in the air with lines streaming past them for about half an hour while screaming a battle cry before landing a punch. The Japanese subsisted on a diet of pornography and raw fish until they discovered karoake, their preferred form of music. Today the Japanese work 30 hours a day, though the actual work stops at 6 and they just run around the office dancing and drinking sake and screaming the japanese version of “whats up?” until they pass out, at which point janitors conduct them to sleeping tubes, from which they arise 2 hours later to begin the work day anew. The end. An interesting side note, in 1989, fearing that the world was doomed because of pollution, the Japanese converted their entire population into robots. Even the children. So today, be careful around a Japanese person, because they could short-circuit and kill you. But in truth, most of them are friendly people who will offer to help you become a robot as well.