Ooble famine in Widgit

by hulk

The Widgit Communist Farmer’s League reported today that there will be an Ooble shortage in local markets this season, and that the farmers expect 40% reduced profits this quarter.

Farmers blamed the loss on several factors. First of all, Mayor Chewobble has taxed them “too heavily”, and reportedly called them a bunch of kulaks, who “put their lives and the lives of their children before the economic success of the party.” In response, Mayor Chewobble has decided to exile half of the farming population to Woodget (that utter hellhole of a town) . When asked how we would solve the farming problem by getting rid of farmers, Mayor Chewobble exiled some reporters to Woodget. No one else asked any questions.

The farmers also blamed their losses on Martha Stewart, who apparently “waved her black magic over our small farms” and then sold stock. It is also interesting to note that Mr. Beeboozle sold just as much stock as Martha Stewart at the same time but no one pointed a finger at him. The Communist Farmers League responded that it is in no way “sexist”.

Finally, the farmers said that a rising population of blowpops in the fields have been harmful to the oobles, as blowpops are terrifying weeds that suck up all the water in the area.

One thing is for sure, not many households will be having ooble pie this Thanksgiving.

Go Angels

by redshift

I’d like to congratulate the Angels on winning the World Series and thank them, most of all. American sport. Great season. Yeah.

Most of all because they ended the damn season. Every year I go through the same crap. Good shows being cancelled for the “American Sport.” My ass, when did we take a vote on this? The American Sport should be fucking football.. or billiards, hell, anything but baseball. Pointless boring crap, overpaid athletes, interruption of good television time.

The rest of the world has it right with football. Hell, they get red cards there, and that’s COOL. I get a strangely homoerotic feeling whenever baseball players/managers get in the umpire’s face to do their bitching. And American football? Sissy hankerchiefs. No thanks. Red card for me, you can take that to the bank.