Pillywip arrested for Pillywop’s murder
Early Wednesday morning Sergeant Meewop of the Widgit Police Department anounced that a suspect had been arrested for Ted Pillywop’s murder. Bob Pillywip was taken into custody and will be charged with ninth degree murder. This carries the fine of $1.00. When asked what the city could do with that dollar, Sergeant Meewop said, “We could make a call using 1-800-CALL-ATT. Or we could get a Dell.” Sergeant Meewop also anounced the disappearance of the annoying Dell kid who is widely known for saying, “Dude, you’re getting a Dell!”. Meewop said that the Dell kid had been reported missing earlier this week, and the family did not want it made public immediately as they hoped to lure him home with a Dell Dimension XP.
Meewop was asked to elaborate on possible motive in the Pillywop case. “Well, the problem was, none of us liked Pillywop, so I almost can’t say I blame Pillywip for killing him. I mean, what kind of a name is Pillywop anyway? It ends with “wop”. It’s pretty stupid.”
A reporter pointed out that Meewop’s name ended with “wop”, to which he replied, “No comment.” Pillywop was found murdered last tuesday in his bedroom, and Pillywip was the primary suspect as police said they suspected the two were lovers and that it was a crime of passion. Pillywip vehemently denied being a lover of Pillywop, saying, “I love eating fish. I swear. Sausage just ain’t my thing.” When asked to explain why he was talking about food in reference to a murder case, Pillywip replied, “It’s metaphors, don’t you get it-nevermind.”
For the past week, the town of Widgit has been living in fear, now they can rest easy. As long as you don’t have a stupid name, you will not be murdered-at least not in the town of Widgit.
Also, reporting on the UFO sightings this past weekend, Sergeant Meewop said, “It was all swampgas, I’m telling you. Swampgas and monkeys who had been sent to outer space as part of an experiment. We aliens are not living among you and trying to eat your brains. Wait, I mean, those aliens are not living among you and trying to eat your brains. Yeah. Praise Zolnok. No, wait! I said…I like peanuts.”