We’ve even heard about some commercial software with heinous errors. Games with no sound. Security software that steals your resources. Sony installing rootkits. Microsoft software.

Eve Online, however, has just gone one step beyond. If you installed their new expansion, Trinity, on opening day, it deleted your boot.ini file. You can no longer boot Windows.

Even a rootkit leaves your computer working for a little while.

In case you haven’t heard of it, Eve Online is a space combat MMORPG. There are somewhere around 300,000 subscribers, and 30,000 people online on an average night. Tens of thousands of potential victims.

Of course, there was no warning that this would happen. They did not send out any kind of alert until a day later – today at 5:45pm EST. If you happened to reboot or shut down your system in that time, and you’re not running Linux (my saving grace), you’d be greeted with a unusable computer.

This is simply inexcusable. CCP, the developer of Eve, and whose slogan is “We Care More, We Work Harder,” is a professional software development firm. They should have tested what they’re putting on your computer. My God, you’d think making a computer inoperable would make one of their QA people say “Hmmm… that can’t be right.” There is no conceivable reason for the game installer to even touch the boot.ini file, forget about deleting it.

99% of their player base has no idea what a boot.ini file is, and they shouldn’t have to. It was a sacred contract that games would stay out of system space. The worst case was that a game had to install something extra as a form of DRM or copy protection.

Because of this, the user would probably not suspect that the game expansion they just installed was responsible for the problem. They would probably not call CCP. They might call Microsoft, or their computer manufacturer, who would have them wipe their hard drive and reinstall Windows. The user would never know how to recover a boot.ini file. The sad part is that the manufacturer probably wouldn’t know either.

But the fun doesn’t stop there.

CCP released a message regarding the issue. This message is incomplete and incorrect. (If they remove or change the message, I’ll copy it here.) It says that the issue only occurs if several conditions are true:

• You upgraded on opening day, 12/6 (many people)
• You’re not using Windows Vista (most people)
• Windows is not on the primary partition, or is on a secondary drive (false)

I have Windows on the primary partition of my primary drive. It still deleted my boot.ini file. So the criteria are incorrect.

They’re also incomplete. CCP gives two options for restoring your boot.ini file. First, you can use System Restore (and possibly lose other changes) IF you haven’t rebooted or shut down. Second, you can boot with a Windows CD, use the Repair Console, run “bootcfg /rebuild”, and then answer a bunch of questions that they don’t tell you how to answer.

In short, there is no good recovery option. If you’re an average user and you’ve shut down, you would probably not be able to restore the file from the Repair Console. I’m guessing that their temporary support lines are rather busy at the moment.

There are only three ways around the issue.

1. You upgraded on 12/6 or later.
2. You’re running Windows Vista.
3. You have another bootloader on your primary drive, such as Grub for Linux. This bypasses the boot.ini file.

I lucked out with option 3. I also happened to have not rebooted, but I don’t like System Restore unless it’s absolutely necessary.

In short, CCP needs to issue a serious apology. They need to publish more information about how to recover from the error. They need to beef up their testing department, and possibly fire whoever was responsible for the expansion release. And everyone else needs to learn from the mistake.

Not all wireless devices are a commercial success, of course. Remember the portable TVs of the 90′s? They were in every electronics store and usually had a 2″ screen. You never see one anymore. It’s because of the popularity of cable and satellite TV, and the unwillingness to settle for three channels. It is not because of the screen, I might note – geeks go crazy for tiny screens for the portability. I predict that we’ll see a resurgence of portable televisions, though in a different form. We’ll have television streamed onto portable media players through wifi or cellular broadband. And this brings us to the topic of this post.

Cellular broadband is the only commercially viable method of sending data wirelessly to the entire country. Public wifi networks only exist in a few major cities. Satellite is available, but not feasible due to cost and receiver size. Cellular networks such as EVDO and HSDPA are virtually nationwide, the new standards are coming soon, and the older EDGE and 1xRTT standards are available as fallbacks.

Think of what we could do with the cellular data networks in an ideal world. First of all, no cables. Your computers wouldn’t need network cables, your TV wouldn’t need a cable line, your online-capable video game systems wouldn’t even need a wireless router. Your cell phone or portable media player could be fully internet capable, not crippled like most current devices. Your car, house, and appliances could send you maintenance reports. You’d never lose a device again, because they’d all have GPS-like capabilities. You’d worry a lot less about stolen goods for the same reason. And these are just the basics.

So why isn’t cellular data more widespread? Because the cellular companies like their profits. Huge profits. Text messages are marked up 7314% from the data charge, and the data charge itself is marked up by an even larger percentage. The most basic data plan for a PDA from Cingular is $19.99/month for five megabytes. For comparison, I can download five megabytes at home in about five seconds, for a cost per megabyte of 0.007 cents. The first unlimited plan, not including any text or media messaging, is $44.99/month.

Quite frankly, it’s absurd, and I think it’s holding back technological progress. It seems to be another case of short-term thinking on the part of the business, and consumers lacking the information they need to make better decisions.

Maybe if more of the consumers knew they were paying a 285,571% markup for mobile data, they would have a word with their cell phone provider.

Oh, it gets better. Oregon is the first state that I know of to announce that it’s investigating a program to put black boxes in everyone’s car. They’ll track your mileage and tax you for what you drove in Oregon so that they don’t have to raise the gas tax. Again, huh? Wouldn’t raising the gas tax be so much simpler?

I realize I’m simplifying things but I feel like the underlying theme is control. I won’t say that I’m worried about where this control is going because I know slippery slope arguments are crap and that no trend continues indefinitely. I’m just pissed off, is all. The justice department is giving itself a lot of power in the name of hunting down terrorists, the government is looking at putting black boxes in your cars to track you (it’s not just Oregon looking at this), I’ve heard the term “fat tax” too many times in the past year as a way to reduce health care costs… and I know most of you are with me on this. The government should be losing control over our lives, not gaining it.

So who’s supporting them, who’s doing all this? Well, most of us. We can all look in the mirror. A pregnant woman dies when a drunk driver hits her, so we demand our legislators protect pregnant women with a law that makes it illegal to harm a fetus. Which, by the way, is such a complete joke, because I’d like you to find me the drunk driver that thinks of the laws he’s going to be violating when he gets behind the wheel. We get our planes hijacked by terrorists, so we demand security that ends up with us all walking around shoeless in the airport and has children getting put on no-fly lists. We ask for more protection for the environment and the Army corps of engineers is unable to pursue a project to reinforce New Orlean’s levees.

We stress so damn much about our schools that we push for increased programming and watching and monitoring and security and then we wonder why our damn property tax bill is so high and why an 8 year-old gets sent home for sexual harassment. Or we whine about a double standard when a man rapes one of his students but a female teacher gets off light – let’s quit being PC and just be honest. The woman should get a lighter sentence than the guy. It has to do with the dynamics of sex. I’m sure Debra LaFavre seduced or manipulated the kid, but it just isn’t the same as an older man seducing a girl. Or worse, using physical threats and intimidation. Women are pretty incapable of rape, despite what PC-mania might have us believe.

It has to do with taking things too far. It has to do with applying rules blindly, all in the name of doing what kinda-sorta sounds right – or at least won’t get us sued. So government agencies, schoolboards, and the like blindly follow rules and laws when they can because they believe it’s the safest path. It’s not the right path, it’s the safest.

So come on, everyone! When you wake up tomorrow and you read the newspaper and you’re shocked that shit happened to someone somewhere, write to your legislators! Demand more laws, more oversight, more regulation! Give up your freedoms! Control the fat, the lazy, the misguided children, control the poor, control the middle class, control our cars, control our speeds, control our habits, control our sex, control the violence with more laughable hate crime laws – we’ll all be really, really safe.

I’m just pissed off.

Huh? How does that work again? Well if you’re talking in terms of percentages, that means denying admission to qualified women in favor of men. This is pure genius. Let’s face facts: women are more likely to apply themselves and get their shit together and do their homework. It comes down to that. We men have beer, porn, sports, video games, beer, porn… all distracting us. Women, on average, are better at avoiding distraction. I think it has something to do with their periods.

So explain to me why it makes sense to deny admission to some women in order to bring in more men. Especially when it’s so damn necessary to have more women in higher positions in the professional world. Don’t get me wrong, we all know at least one woman who’s a complete idiot who gets promoted because she’s a woman. On average, however, women are better at being organized and getting things done. We men are better at… beer. Or wine. Oh, and staring at women’s behinds.

The real issue here is avoiding the backlash against feminism. We all have this image in our head of the evil short-haired ugly chick who whines about how she’s existentially repressed and it’s all men’s fault. It’s actually quite natural. To liberals who take umbrage (I’m not even sure that word means what I think it means) at this statement, think of the menacing evil white Christian from Ohio who talks about “Miracleifying” and “Gayity is the sinnery that leads to hellingness”. I believe it’s a natural reaction of our thought processes; here comes this information that doesn’t fit with what’s already in our heads, our emotional centers get triggered, and it turns into “Jesus didn’t even exist!” vs. “Jesus wants you to burn in hell”.

The fact is, as much as we’re sick of hearing it, women still don’t occupy as many professional positions as they should. The unfortunate part of this is that in our society, we probably won’t hear much about the real reasons for this. Political correctness does a pretty good job of shutting down objective analysis of situations in the name of sensitivity. Or sexism or racism or Islamaphobia, which, really, come on Europe. How dare you be afraid of people who start burning shit when you publish a cartoon? You filthy racists!

Of course I’m simplifying, the sad fact is that most Muslims are less educated than us. And Karl Marx was right about one thing – religion is the opiate of the masses. Of course it has to be stated in context, as opposed to being stated in Starbucks. Religion, when abused, is an excellent source of control. The Catholic Church could write a wonderful book about this, I’m sure. Unfortunately we all need some kind of organization to our faith to avoid the difficult questions and to help us place our faith in our daily lives and so we put our trust in an organization to make up silly rules for us like eating a cardboard wafer or throwing a rug on the ground and hoping we’re facing in the right direction.

Watch me get called a racist for this. I can’t wait.

So start denying women more positions in college to avoid leaving out men? Hell no. Let it become 70/30. Then when men realize that women are in charge, if they have a problem with that, let them work harder in school. Or, more likely, give off some redneck argument about something or other and Budweiser and then make up some religious crap about how Jesus wants women in the home.

I’m sorry. I’ve been giving idiot Christians a hard time lately. And I don’t mean to imply that myself or any other Christian is an idiot, just that some idiots are Christian and use Christianity to be idiots. I’m probably being disrespectful by not capitalizing that. [ed: fixed] So just to level the playing field, I hate mongrel desert people.

Now I will wait for someone who actually wants to discuss something… but more likely I’ll get called a racist. Actually, you know what would be really fun? If someone could use this to prove I’m a sexist. Holy shit, I think I just made my own week. I’m going to eagerly anticipate being called a sexist. Yay!

“Tonight’s top story: A squirrel has chewed through a homeless man’s shin. This and more at 11.” (The preceding was not true. This never happned, but would probably be on the “news”.)

This is not news. This is unfortunate, but not news. This is the sort of event that should be posted on Halffull.org. The rest of the “news” would be some lame-ass tongue-in-cheek between some fugly looking, wanna-be primadonnas who dress circa 1983. They will pretend to wax intellectual about a freaking pumpkin fest or some damned fool who makes some tasty chili. It gets worse.

Every night you can be sure 3 topics will be broadcast on the “news”:

1. Somewhere in Buffalo, every night, there is a fire. If an outsider were to watch a weeks worth of Buffalo “news” programs, they would believe the freaking city is burning to the ground. Lame.

2. Some stupid shit about a Bass Pro Shop coming to Buffalo will inevitably be mentioned as the savior to all of Buffalo’s financial problems. BWWAAHHAHWWHAHA!!!! They sell freaking fishing poles and rubber worms!! What city have you ever heard of that was saved because of some place that will help you catch a sweet bass? I don’t care if they help me catch the Loch Ness monster, it isn’t going to do crap. Nobody cares.

3. Lastly, there will a shot of some talking head in front of our local political building. He will be so excited that he is coming to you live from the Rath building. Why? It’s 11 o’clock at night. It is dark. Nobody is inside that building. Why the hell does it matter if you are live in front of the building where nothing is going on to tell me later in the day a bunch of overpaid bureaucrats sat around and screamed about nothing… ultimately accomplishing nothing. The whole thing is stupid, lame, out-dated, stupid, lame, and unecessary.

This rant was fueled by a tiny spark at work this morning. As I come in to Buffalo General Hospital, there are camera crews from NBC, CNN, and FOX News. Ok. There are shooting a story on a boy who saved a nurse’s life. It turns out she was the same nurse that saved his life 7 years ago. That is cool. Heart-warming and touching. I didn’t have a problem with it… until… local “news” dweebs show up. Mind you they have given new meaning to “beating a dead horse”. This story has been on every “news” channel for three days straight. Every day, every hour, every time I turn on the television, these idiots are telling about this kid that rocked out and saved this lady’s life. I get it. They weren’t here for the story though. The big time story for the day… CNN is here!!! The local yokels were shooting pictures of the CNN guys shooting pictures. What the crap is that?!?! Who gives a crap what these wieners are doing?!?! This is not news, this is “news”!!!

I hate people. Deep down inside I am a closet misanthropist.

In summation, all news sucks. But some news sucks a considerable amount more than others. (Buffalo “news” takes a bow). Ladies and gentleman, don’t believe everything on TV. Just because it is on Crossfire or FOX News doesn’t mean it’s true. They are all owned by giant media conglomerates attempting to subtley sway you one way or another. If your local “news” is telling you the only news in your area is a fire and a kid who picks his nose, you are being horribly mislead. Walk around and see for yourself. There are far more pressing issues than what your “news” crew is showing. Fuck those schmucks. I went there.

WB

I have a bone to pick with all of you. First and foremost I would like to share an anecdote. The other day while I was shopping for a few hundred pounds of fine Quaker brand oats, I was approached by a crazed lunatic. Before me was a gentleman dressed in a wizard’s cloak holding an owl and a broadsword. I was dumbfounded. I have never seen anything like this while riding horses on my ranch in the Rockies.

I asked the gentleman,”Sir, why do you hold an owl and a broadsword. And why are you staring at me.”

He replied, “Foul Goblin Warchief Gnut-Kreft, silence yourself before I cast a level 12 fireball spell at you!”

I had no idea what he was carrying on about. So, I asked him. “Son what the devil are you carrying on about?”

“SILENCE! You are the devil and I will slay you!!”

At this point I was feeling a bit threatened.

I thought to myself for a moment, “Does this guy know who he is dealing with? I am Wilfrod freaking Brimley! I once wrestled three Grizzly Bears to death by tearing their faces off.”

I had no idea what this kid was screaming at me for. I thought maybe I should try and calm him down a bit.

“Now son… what is your name?”

“My name is Vince Klortho and I am a level 15 Battle Mage.”

“…..”

“My Battle Mage skills are so strong I will slay you.”

“….Son you are starting to piss me off.”

“Is that so? Than you can taste the power of VINCE KLORTHO!!!!!”

At this point the Battle Mage threw his owl in the air, screaming some kind of gibberish, and it came screeching down upon me; talons glinting menacingly in the fluorescent lighting of this whole food arena.

I had enough of this little turd. I took one massive swing and punched his owl right in the beak. It sailed limp across the aisle, knocking over my Quaker Oats. The owl laid lifeless on the floor. I approached this Vince character. He seemed distant and incoherent.

“Vince, what is your damage? Are you some kind of brokeback mountaineer!!?? I told you, I am Wilford freaking Brimley! I can kill you. What is the problem here?”

Vince Klortho level 15 Battle Mage responded, “I am on a LARPing adventure and you just killed my pet bird.”

Ladies and gentleman, I hope we all learned something from this little story. If you LARP, you are a loser. Not just any loser, mind you, you are the kind of loser that probably humps livestock.

Nobody gives a shit if you can cast a level 37 confuse spell on your effin’ goldfish. You don’t know magic, you aren’t a wizard, and your goldfish hopes you die. Grow up.

Why don’t you try gaining enough experience to cast a level 48 Summon Hot Girlfriend spell. Instead of going on “adventures” to rid the world of Kobolds and bands of pillaging orcs, why don’t you go on a quest to get laid, or go on a date.

You are a fruit cake and should hang up your magic flail and body armor for a pair of jeans and a T-shirt.
I hope your 378-sided die aids you well in rolling a dexterity save while some beer-chugging bro dude is about to pummel you for calling him an Ogre and trying to slay him.

That is just plain silly.

Good night now.

WB

Anyway. The phrase “long overdue”. Here’s my problem. While radiological dating is pretty reliable, it’s not exceedingly accurate. I also believe, and please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, that the error increases as you go out. Such that the predictions that something happened 400,000,000,000 years ago, and the prediction that something happened 30,000 years ago, do not have the same error. I’m guessing that 400 googly years ago number has a error of oh, say, 30 brews of coffee (a widely accepted unit of time), whereas the 30,000 year number has an error of maybe 0.5 batches of chocolate chip cookies. I’m sorry, I’m using two different units, and you canadian readers (assuming I didn’t piss all of you off with my asian rant) are confused what with your metric thing. 0.5 batches of chocolate chip cookies = 3 brews of coffee = 8 minutes. That should clear things up.

So we look at major events in Earth’s history. Or even galactic history. Earthquakes, the life of a star, volcano eruptions, plate tectonics, asteroids, and this latest scare, the magnetic field of the earth. This magnetic field thing has been building up for a while, with several news articles in the past several months. They’ve been working on predicting the next shift, and now it looks like we’re “long overdue” for a magnetic pole shift. Which they predict happens every 250,000 years. And we’re long overdue for one. Please take a moment and consider what that means.

That means that sometime in the next few years Earth is going to look at its watch and say, “Holy crap, I forgot to shift my poles!” Then we all die. Horribly. Seriously, it’ll totally suck. We’ll all be exposed to massive levels of cosmic radiation and possibly asteroid impacts and cockroaches shall inherit the earth. Doomsday. Hey…maybe I can bring on the apocalypse if I do change the magnetic pole shift! That’s scary, the fact that some people WANT doomsday. I’m not just talking the Christians, I read somewhere that the Iranian President? Prime Minister? has been known to speak with members of a weird Islamic cult that wants to bring about the Apocalypse. Can we just put them somewhere with the evangelists? Forgive me for being ignorant. Most of these people are well intentioned. Even the ones wanting the apocalypse are well intentioned. And most evangelists are totally normal, and I’m giving the appearance of suggesting that there’s something wrong with Islam. I’m not. Notice I used the words Islamic cult, not “Islam is a cult”. Damnit, that just became a search phrase. I’m also not arrogant enough to believe that those who believe in the Apocalypse haven’t considered that it was just a book. I’m sure they have reasonable explanations for their beliefs. I’m just saying they’re completely psychotic. That’s all.

Let’s get back to “long overdue”. I wonder if someone could plot the number of deviations I make per rant…Damnit! Okay. So now think about the age of the Earth. Think about something as complicated as a magnetic pole shift. We’re talking flows of magma under the Earth. Interactions with the Earth’s core, gravitational forces, radiation possibly having an influence…What’s the likelihood that the 250,000 figure is accurate? Given the number of “observations” we can make? Let’s consider the source. Our “observation” of this effect comes from the geological rock layers. How far down can we really go? Several million years, maybe? Is that enough to develop an average figure without much error? Moreover, what kind of error do you think that figure has? Moreover…why do we think there’s been a big shift in the past 300 years? I’m not saying that the scientists studying this haven’t considered this. I’m saying that these thoughts aren’t being reported. Instead what’s being reported is that it happens every 250000 on average, we’re long overdue, and the field has decreased over the past few hundred years. I contend with observer bias. My skeptical flags raise whenever I see some conclusion made on data from the past few hundred years, at least when it comes to stuff with a time order of thousands of years.

Again, it’s not the scientists. It’s the TV shows and reporters. They want to sell you an exciting story. Hence we get “long overdue”. Whenever you hear that phrase, think the opposite, and it’ll be accurate.

Sigh. I typed into google “ranking of dangerous occupations” and came across an article that listed mining as the fifth most dangerous occupation in the US. First is logging, second is fishermen, third is airline pilots, and fourth is structural metal workers. I’m assuming the whole thing is based on number of deaths per person in that occupation. Not even cops and firemen made the top five… and cops and firemen are heroes… who wants to place bets that miners will be labeled heroes by at least one TV commentator or politician in the upcoming elections this year? Maybe someone can say something fun like, “if we don’t take care of our brave miners, the terrorists win.”

Yeah, Governer Manchin referred to them as “our brave miners”. You know what, mining sure looks like it sucks, but I doubt that every one of them is brave. I feel like we’re cheapening the words “brave” and “hero” by using them excessively. I’m not about to propose a list of what is brave and what isn’t. But these words are being cheapened by overuse. Let’s face it, the drunken fireman who bitches about his card game being interrupted isn’t a hero. Nor is the cop who waits for pretty women to drive by so he can pull them over.

Before you go screaming something, let me limit my argument to being the assertion that simply working in a particular field does not make you a hero. Going into a burning building, or hell, even going near one, yep, hero. Rushing to save someone from a suspicious trespasser report, yep, hero. You could get shot. Tazering and then handcuffing a paranoid schizophrenic because (shock) he didn’t immediately obey you, and then getting hit by a truck and dying? Well… that sucks… but the suckitude of your death does not make you a hero. The word hero should be reserved for special occasions. Not just because someone in a particular uniform, especially a miner, died in a sucky way. Am I wrong?

I suppose the counter-argument to that would be that you’re just trying to make the family feel better. Sure, I buy that. In fact I’m in favor of that usage of the word hero. So use it at the eulogy. Use it maybe if you’re interviewed about the matter right after the eulogy. Don’t use it as a freaking campaign tactic.

Finally, I’m sure many of you have noticed the artificiality of this whole affair. One mining story which is apparently news because humans are in danger… damn I hate how the media operates. Not that it’s anything new or anything particular to the US, but it’s annoying that anytime humans are in danger, it’s news, and we need 24-hour live coverage complete with commentary from this here retired Colonel Such-and-such. “Colonel Such-and-such, you knew a guy who had a brother who had gay sex with a miner once. Tell us what we can expect here.”

So now it’s news. And there haven’t been any pretty white women missing in a while… hey, Johnson, go look for any other mining accidents. Keep your ears open. Holy crap! Another incident in a mine! Everyone run! Let’s look! Holy crap! Yet another mining incident! Hooray! I mean… oh… this is sad.

The funny thing is that mining was ranked fifth. If it was ranked at all, it must have already been a fairly dangerous occupation. So we can assume that incidents like this happen but we just don’t hear about them, or if we do, it’s a footnote on that little headline banner running across the bottom of the screen. But now we’ve had what, three or four of these incidents? So now here come the politicians.

The frustrating thing is that I know we’re being used. We’ll all be fed some line that this is so-and-so’s fault; hell, let’s blame Bush and find some budget line item he vetoed and make it a campaign issue. It’s such crap. We don’t get interesting, in-depth analysis from our politicians. I guess it’s no different than any other time in history. But forget that. Let’s blame somebody, maybe one of the mining companies, pass a bunch of government regulations, and pat ourselves on the back and forget about mining incidents for a while until we once again run out of missing pretty white women to concern ourselves with.

Yay!

I have this racial intolerance, though, that I can’t even begin to understand. I notice it when I’m out in public. My blood pressure rises whenever I see a certain type of couple. I mean, I understand some racial/ethnic intolerances. By “understand”, I mean I understand why it happens, not that I condone it or agree with its basis. I understand why rednecks think the Jews are behind everything. Or why the Muslims think the Jews are behind everything. Or why the Europeans… damn. Does anyone like the Jews? I mean, come on people, don’t we have respect for a group of people who can hold their own, politically and militarily, against a world that absolutely hates them? Maybe the Canuckistanis (Canadians) like the Jews. I can only hope, ’cause I kinda feel bad for them. They’re so cute, with their big noses, and piles of mon… ahem. Seriously, I have enormous respect for Israel and the fact that it can kick some serious dictatorial ass and still have the guts to say, hey, maybe the Palestinians can have some land too. It takes strength to cede land to a group that bombs your buses and wants every last one of you dead.

Back to my point. I don’t understand why I get pissed off every time I see an Asian woman and a white guy. It’s usually the same type of white guy, too, a nerdy, artsy looking guy with glasses, and sometimes that stupid semi-long hair look with the waves, trying to look like Heath Jackass. Sorry. I don’t know why this irks me so. I guess it has to do with the fact that I don’t get why Asian woman are attractive. Ok, let me back up. I don’t get why Asian woman are specifically attractive just because they’re Asian. There are lots of attractive Asian women out there. Damnit. How does one get their foot out of their mouths on racial issues? I guess you just don’t. I guess I’ll just ask everyone not to playa-hate. Can I say that yet? See, Kanye West put a moratorium on white people saying black phrases. I’m not kidding. He suggested a one year waiting period.

I’ve never even had a bad experience with an Asian woman, at least not… nevermind. There’s no reason to single out a certain racial group. I’m just saying that certain groups tend to be hated more than others. I mean, Koreans hate the Japanese, for example. I can understand why. I mean, if a group invades your country and tells you to stop speaking your jibber-jabber language… Native who? What? There’s still some left? Well, no wonder they’re pissed. Sure, let ‘em collect gambling money. Give ‘em some tax free cigarette stands. Ahem. I really need to direct my thoughts.

I had an Asian woman as a boss once. She was awesome. She was attractive too, but that’s because I have this thing for older chicks. She was probably in her mid-thirties, though it’s hard to tell because Asian women don’t age. Ever. But yeah, I’ve always had a thing for older women. Like when I was five and I would gaze at that cute fifth-grader on the bus. Or when I was nine and I had the hots for Ms. Dana, my fourth-grade teacher. Or when I was in sixth grade and liked Ms… I don’t remember her name, but she had that hot librarian look going on with the glasses. Then Ms. Brennan in high school. I did poorly in the class because I would spend the day imagining her demanding that I stay after class to do some “biology” experiments. Wow, I really should just shut up before my trial. Please, Mr. FBI man, notice that in the part about the fifth grader that I was five. I was five, I was five, I was five, I was five. I think that makes it ok.

By the way, WTF is with the FBI task force on decency? Have you heard about this? And the Attorney General’s office asking Google for the search records for porn? This can’t be right. I guess it was inevitable. In a society that believes that safety lies with regulation, it was only a matter of time before the government started trying to ruin the internet. I’m sorry, I’m discussing two different things. The Google search records issue is separate from the task force for decency. It’s a couple FBI agents being gathered to go after websites with “indecent” material, “indecent” being defined, quite literally, by “community standards”. I’m not kidding, that’s current law regarding how to determine “decency”. Don’t get the wrong impression either, I read somewhere that FBI agents were pissed that resources were being taken away from important things to form this stupid decency task force. I’m not going to be an idiot and blow this up, I seriously doubt this will turn into much of anything, but it’s still annoying that the government thinks it can determine decency.

How about all those websites that talk about how to be a good Christian woman and love it when your husband rapes you? I’m not kidding, this shit exists, and it’s quite prevalent. Is that decent? I mean, which is worse, born-again Christians and the whole state of Iowa or a woman sucking off a horse? A horse I can avoid. I can choose whether or not to do anything with it. But those born-agains scare me. Notice how I’ll probably not get criticized for being scared of born-agains. Replace that word with… no, I am not dumb enough to actually write the word. But you can imagine it. But replace that word and see what would happen to me. Actually, I’d probably get elected to Congress, like Senator Byrd of West Virginia. Former KKK member. I’m not kidding. And yet that asshole gets off scot-free with racial stuff. Go figure.

What was I talking about? Asian women. Right. Ok, so the thing with them not aging is where I don’t like the whole idolization of the Asian chick. See, I can’t disengage it with a disturbing desire for young women. It’s one thing for an old geezer at the mall to say “Holy Crap!” when he sees a gaggle of high school girls wearing next to nothing. They’re usually wearing next to nothing, and I’m sorry, but it’s simply biological to be aroused by developed girls, even if they’re not quite 18, wearing next to nothing. The proper response is to look away. I’m quite serious. It’s one thing to be aroused by the things that, animalistically, you’re going to be aroused by. It’s another to seek out that arousal by going to the high school soccer game. I can’t bitch enough about “The Limited Too”. When I was younger I could let my eyes roam at the mall and not feel bad. Now I’m a little older, and if I see a ridiculously short skirt, 9 times out of 10 my eyes will jump that way and then I’ll want to gouge my eyes out because that is not 18! Seriously! What parents think it’s a good idea to let their kids dress like this? These freaking kids are wearing nothing! It’s just wrong!

Hence the Asian chick. I really think nerds and gamers love Asian girls because they’re so young-looking. And that’s what bugs me. It’s wrong.

And so is spaghetti breakfast.

I know I’m gonna wish I never posted this.