Halffull.org

About a month or so ago, we linked a very funny site called [The Editing Room](http://www.the-editing-room.com/”The Editing Room!”) for it’s hilarious abridged [Star Wars Episode III](http://www.the-editing-room.com/?script=revengeofthesith”Episode III”) script. This site has become a new favorite of mine so I keep an eye on it. Previously, it had a strange web address that no one could remember or figure out what it even meant, but there is now a new name registered for the site that everyone can remember. Two new scripts have been updated to the site:

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy can be found [here](http://www.the-editing-room.com/?script=hhgttg”Hitchhiker’s Guide Abridged Script”). It is only mildly funny, but then again I’ve seen the movie and there’s not much to work with there. Still, it’s Hitchhiker’s Guide so it’s automatically cool, even though the movie kind of sucked. Fans everywhere collectively sigh.

Fantastic 4 can be found [here](http://www.the-editing-room.com/?script=fantastic4″Craptastic 4 Abridged Script”). If you haven’t seen the movie yet, and I’m not recommending that you do, you’d be better off reading the abridged version. This is a very funny read and much cheaper than paying $8.50 a ticket, unless you feel Jessica Alba’s boobies are worth that much.

Enjoy.

I just couldn’t resist posting about this. This rewritten, abridged Episode 3 script is for anyone who was less than thrilled with Lucas’ version. I’m not even a Star Wars nut and I nearly wet myself.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the new HHGttG trailer. (old trailer)

I cried when I saw it. I cried again when I noticed they moved the date up to April 29. Then I watched it again.

Once again, we learn two very important lessons:

1. If you put something in the public domain, it will spread on the internet.
2. It is very important to speak English.

See what conservative Dutch enjoy.

How can one guy be so funny without using a single swear word? I’ll tell you how! High pitched mind control! I saw him at the Irvine improv this last Friday the 7th (January 5th for our friends from the future), and early on in his show his voice rose up at least 15 octaves. I don’t even remember what he was talking about at that point… something about a rocket ship… or a kitty… but we were no longer in control of our own minds. Ever wonder why you can never remember your favorite parts of comedy shows, or movies? Yeah, I’m onto you suckers.

Brainwashing aside, he’s one of the best comedians ever. Gives me hope for one day making a living off of my own stupidity. Meh, who am I kidding. But the openers were great. Apparently the guy who warms up the crowd before the actual opener is a new guy. He was really funny though, so I hope he stays around. See him at your earliest convenience. You’ll thank… someone later, I’m sure. Maybe not me, but that’s alright.

You know Apple’s fancy commercials that say how their G5 is the most powerful, fastest, most delicious, prodigious, litigious, just plain most incredible computer in the world?

Ha, I say. Their ads were banned by the Independent Television Commission in England. Too many people complained of false advertising and called bullshit.

This is the first time I wish I were English.

It’s official. Spammers have officially given up - it no longer matters what they say, so long as you get an email to fill your inbox.

I checked my hotmail account that I only use to receive registration emails and such, so of course it’s filled with spam. I see this subject in an email:

“Stretch Her Penis Slide Apart xqgmnrb”

…

Now I ask you… will it really mighty her penis, man?!

My real concern is whether you’re stretching her “penis slide” apart, or whether you can somehow stretch her penis, then slide apart. The latter is more probable, I have to suppose, because of the possibility of Transformer-like female penii. They transform from a penis slide into giant robot penis slides.

Maybe he just got himself too hot about female penis slides to finish his sentence.

I’m proud to be an American. We’ve now had 2 US governors that were stars in Predator. Dutch in California and Blain in Minnesota. One a chaingun-wielding maniac, and the other…. a chaingun-wielding maniac.

Now that the public has finally woken up and realized a good candidate when they see him, I’m starting my own campaigns! First, Carl Weathers for governor of Pennsylvania. Dillon. That’s right, good ‘ole Apollo Creed will control Philadelphia. Maybe he’ll finally get to replace that statue with one of his own, in a large showboating spectacle…

And I saved the best for New York. Sonny Landham, a.k.a. Billy. Sure, he didn’t survive long, but he gave himself up on that log-bridge for the people. If that doesn’t make for a good governor (along with a huge weapons cache, of course) then I don’t know what does. The best part is I’m sure he’d get to meet Hillary Clinton… and I know they’d get along just fine.

I do recommend you try this at home.

What to do in a conversation with someone who doesn’t believe in retaliation to terrorist attacks:

1. When someone says military force is inappropriate ask “How come?”
2. Wait until he says “Because that would cause more innocent deaths and we should not cause more violence”
3. When he’s in mid-sentence punch him in the face as hard as you can.
4. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be contrary to his values to strike you and cause more violence.
5. Wait until he agrees.
6. Punch him again, harder this time.
7. Repeat steps 4-6 until he realizes that sometimes it’s necessary to fight back.

So I had an idea for a Halffull comic, titled “The Refurbisher.”

It’d be about a ninja-like person who’d break into peoples’ houses and refurbish things. Could be furniture, devices, anything. Sometimes he’d screw up.

“Renovation - whether you like it or not”

Am I insane or genius? I see a fine line in the distance.