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Another email that was sent to me - way too funny to resist this one. Click on me for a big laugh.

Scroll down and read his description. You won’t regret it.

I don’t know why I’m suddenly getting all these joke emails sent to me. Here’s one for our liberal readers.

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten:

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner ‘Bulb Accomplished’;
7. One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush was literally ‘in the dark’ the whole time;
8. One to viciously smear No. 7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the entire country.

A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00.”

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, “Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here and spend only $150.00?”

The man replied, “A man died here 2,000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.”

Well, it’s been quite a while since I’ve received any emails to my address, which is a big problem for my “Ask Blue Midget” column. Therefore, I will have to resort to sending myself emails.

Dear Myself,

What did you do this weekend?

Your pal,
You

Hi Pal! Thanks for sending me an email. You know, I feel so close to you, like I could tell you anything. In fact, I’m going to upgrade you from “pal” to “best friend evar”! We’ll be a dynamic duo – like Britney Spears and Cheetos!

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By now, most of you know that President Bush has nominated Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court. Miers has zero judicial experience, but has been a very close advisor to the President. Oh yeah, I knew it was going to happen as soon as I saw that Bush had alluded to nominating a woman or minority: We were about to have a mini-Bush nominated to the Court. It’s the trade-off, see? Everyone gets their woman or minority, and Bush uses this compensation as an opportunity to appoint his Mini-Me. I was not disappointed in my conspiracy theory, and thus, the outcry of the nation against Bush. Hey, if you’re the so-called “leader of the free-world”, wouldn’t you want to give your buddies a leg-up? If appointed, this woman’s going to have a job as a Supreme Court Justice for the rest of her natural life. That’s more than most of us can say.

I’m not sure how I found the weblog for Mr. Sun. One day I was trying out the new Google Blog Search and found it. Who knows what keywords I had entered, but there it was, shining like a guilty pleasure before me. Earlier this week, when I went for my routine check-up on the site, Mr. Sun had posted a hilarious article regarding Bush appointing his close friend to the Supreme Court, and further actions along this vein. Well, I say ‘article’, but it’s more of a diagram… Actually, I’m not even sure how to describe this thing. You’ll just have to see it for yourself. Kudos to you, Mr. Sun. The conservative in me was offended, but the rest of me was laughing so hard that my latte was coming out of my nose.

Rummy 4-Ever!

The Editing Room has added a new abridged script for Lord of War, alleging that this movie had some sort of plot.

Who knew?

Here is a Haiku for Monday. This one sums up my day to a T…

Such a Monday…

Oh Vending Menace,
You ate my money, so cruel!
Chocolate? Denied!

Happy Tuesday everyone!

At some point in celebrities’ useless lives, they cease to exist as celebrities and become brand names. This disturbing trend is becoming more and more commonplace and the rest of us “little people” can’t seem to get enough. The media is completely obsessed with the goings-on of the rich and famous, stalking them day and night, photographing them everywhere they go and reporting any rumor they can get their grubby little hands on, no matter how insane. Television shows are dedicated solely to reporting the amount of money celebs spend on clothing, where they went on vacation or how much their spectacularly stupid weddings cost; complete with timer to tell you how long the marriage lasted. The paparazzi thrives because a lot of people are infatuated with the goings on of the world’s celebrities – and how much we can make fun of them. I’m one of those people.

The Rise and Degradation of Britney Spears

Britney Spears has released a new perfume, the second fragrance of her beauty product line. This came as a huge shock to me because, judging from her recent appearance, I thought her to be the last person on earth to have any association with beauty products, let alone an entire line of products. Although it’s not as if Britney is actually throwing herself into a think-tank with scientists and beauticians to brainstorm these commodities: that would be cosmetic powerhouse Elizabeth Arden, and Britney’s name is simply the brand. Sadly, Britney is not smart enough to think of those things on her own.

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We don’t normally post images, but hey, it’s a Friday. These are old so you’ve probably seen them before, but some jokes just never go out of style.

The other night I was playing one of my WoW noobs when my computer completely froze up on me. I shut it off, waited a few seconds, and then started it up again. Unfortunately, my little magic computer gnomes decided to go AWOL. From somewhere inside my computer they said to me, “click click click click click,” at which point redshift’s head SNAPPED in the direction of my computer, then he sucked in his breath and stared up at the ceiling. After a few seconds he gave me the “put your hands in the air and step away from the computer” motion. My computer has not worked since.

Whatever happened was not my fault. Up until that point I had been playing my WoW noob, and for some reason I said something to redshift about Vanilla Ice. (I don’t remember what it was now) and he thought it would be funny to cue up the “Havin A Roni” song. If you haven’t heard this song, don’t run out and listen to it. I’ll just sum it up for you. Over and over, the Vanilla Ice repeats “What it’s like, havin a roni.” That’s the whole song, just that line. And who knows what the hell a roni is? Naturally, I take this matter to my guild. The conversation is short, and goes something like this:

Me: (redshift) is playing that Vanilla Ice song, “Havin a Roni.” WTH is a roni?!
Grimvalt: Rice-a-Roni?
Caulbraen: Maybe it’s a penis since he doesn’t have one
Grimvalt: Is it really the San Francisco treat?

And then my computer lost its will to live. Much like Padme in Star Wars: Episode III, except that my computer’s reasoning is much more substantial. On the other hand, I think I may have discovered why my guild’s new membership is down and thousands of people are flocking to the Dark Iron server to join the guys of PvP Online and Penny Arcade instead.

For those of you who haven’t heard because you either don’t play games or don’t read comic sites or possibly live in the proverbial cave, PvP Online and Penny Arcade have started opposing guilds on the Dark Iron server, where buttloads of people are flocking to join. And when I say “buttloads,” I mean BUTTLOADS. Apparently there are so many people on this server that there is an hour wait just to log in. And yet, the flood of people hasn’t stopped: A third comic site, Ctrl+Alt+Del, has hopped on the bandwagon and started their own guild on the same server, horde side, to hang out with [PvP Online](http://www.pvponline.com/”PvP Online”).

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