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And we thought the EMP was ugly. I don’t even know where to begin, so I’m just going to point you here. Read that article now; you won’t be sorry that you did. Just in case you missed it the first time, read THIS ARTICLE.

Some Viennese “art group” (they’re calling it art) knitted the most awful pink bunny rabbit and will leave it on an Italian countryside for the next twenty years. TWENTY YEARS! First off, I must point out that it’s made completely of wool. I’m not sure what they’re going to do about rain. Then again, they wanted to knit up the largest and ugliest bunny rabbit ever and leave it on the Italian countryside, so we’re obviously not talking logic. My favorite part of the article is where one of the artist group members said, “It’s supposed to make you feel small, like Gulliver. You walk around it and you can’t help but smile.” I think that’s a mis-quote, and I’m sure what he said was, “laugh your ass off until you asphyxiate and die.”

Over the next couple of months there are some important things happening. Basically, it’s my chance to tell you what awesome books and games are being released, as well as some holidays and their history - for both U.S. and Canada (Annual Bathtub Races!). I don’t really have a beat on what’s happening for movies because they’re so expensive and so lame as of late that I haven’t really been paying attention. But if you know of any that needs mentioning, post below in the comments section with a date. Or if I missed anything else that you feel is particularly worth noting, comment below.

Wednesday, September 21
ABC’s Lost – That’s tomorrow people, so get on the ball! If you want to catch up, here is a site that gives you a general rundown for each episode. For more details and spoilers, click “Recap” under each episode listing. It’s definitely worth catching up on for tomorrow night.

Monday, September 26
Sly 3: Honor Among Thieves is released for PS2 – Great game for all ages, fun quests and puzzles, a whole lot of fun. Thumbs up for Sly and the gang. I have a friend who has played the last two with his six year old daughter, and confirms that they are age appropriate – for the both of them.

Tuesday, September 27
Family Guy: Stewie Griffin, the Untold Story DVD. Previously unseen material except by those who have been downloading it for free. He commands you to buy it.

Monday, October 3
Oktoberfest Ends — Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to drink as much beer as you possibly can until Oktoberfest ends. Do we have any readers who are beer connoisseurs? Post below with your recommendations and we’ll get it added here.

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For the first time in over a decade, I have returned to school. While I hold a full-time job, I am taking two classes at the local community college. Were it not for my company’s tuition reimbursement program, I would have had second thoughts about attending due to the expense. The last time I had attended a community college, a full load of credits cost around $450, which I was able to pay for by myself. Now, I am taking two classes (7 credits) and it has cost me $750 – and that’s not even counting books and supplies. Still, it’s a cheaper option than a four-year institution, although I was quite surprised at the cost.

The biggest surprise so far has been the amount of adults I have seen around the campus. Twice this week I have had to stop by the school in the middle of the day, and I was amazed at how many adult students were wandering the campus. My evening and weekend classes are also now quite mixed: I had expected the majority of students to be people aged 27 and up, but it’s actually divided down the middle. Many students are around my parents’ ages, so I must wonder if more adults are starting to return to school.

But I digress; let me tell you where I’m going with all this: I’ve spent a lot of money on school over the past two weeks, movies are way too expensive to pay for and I need a personal loan just to fill up my gas tank. It’s time to get creative with our entertainment as we have very little money to spend on it. Let’s talk cheap entertainment.

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We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this constitution for the United States of America.

And yes, I typed that from memory! Happy Constitution Day, everyone.

My email has been strangely silent lately. Come on people, send me an email and give me something to write about — and don’t ask me to write about Britney Spears’ white trash child. My guess is that she had a C-section because she’s contracted some sort of weird sexual cootie. Eeew… Federline Cooties.

Send in your questions, comments and suggestions:

The Editing Room has updated its website with the abridged script from The Dukes of Hazzard. Jessica Simpson fans will be crushed to hear that she has completely been removed from the script, but has been replaced by her tits. Enjoy.

More reader submissions. I love these. If you have a question, comment or just feel like shooting the breeze, send me an email at . I won’t post your name or email address.

Hey Blue,

I was just curious, what’s on for dinner tonight? I suck at cooking, but get tired of fast food every night. Also don’t have a lot of money… Got any suggestions?

From,
A Reader

Hey Reader,

Tonight, teriyaki chicken rice bowls with stir fry are what’s on. If you suck at cooking and don’t have a lot of money, this would be a good one to try. (I know it sounds scary, but I’ll walk you through it.) The really frustrating thing that I find about cooking is that it can take a lot of time and effort, and if you work full time, the last thing you want to do is spend the next three hours in the kitchen cooking. When I get home, I’m tired and hungry, and I just don’t have the energy to whip up a gourmet meal. This is another one that I got from recipezaar, but the original recipe has you cooking for three hours. And I don’t know about you, but when I get home from work, I want food NOW and not in three hours.

This one takes about an hour, but total time to prepare is only around 20 minutes. Most of the time is spent just waiting for the stuff to cook. This is also rather inexpensive, and terrific for lunches the next day. I estimate that you could get three meals from this (or two huge meals), and it costs about $8.00 to make, not counting spices. If you’re a vegetarian, I imagine you could just substitute the chicken with portobello mushrooms or skip that part completely and just whip up the sauce with some rice and stir fry veggies.

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In the formative years of our schooling, our teachers labored in vain, striving to teach the rules of life through the means of math and science. And as children, we didn’t understand. Instead, we mocked them and ridiculed them and didn’t do our homework. We repeatedly asked the question that would come back to haunt us later in life: “Why am I learning this if I will never apply it to real life?” And we were wrong to challenge, so very wrong.

Today, those who dare defy math and science walk among us every day. It is a cruel reminder of how we scorned the knowledge given so freely in our youth. It is also a tragedy.

I find these individuals mostly at the mall. Most of them are women. This, of course, has nothing to do with the archaic prejudice that women just aren’t good at math and science. Oh no, many women are just fine at math and science; it’s just that many of them have disconnected the principles of math and science with what they’re wearing. Or, should I say, have attempted to squeeze their fat asses into.

You see, the fashion of the season is for pants that dip past the butt crack, and as usual, these fashions are for anorexic girls wearing a size “negative ten.” This is fine for Fiona Apple and all other coke-fiend look-alikes, but for normal sized people (simply put, there is no such thing as normal sized or normal shaped people), this just isn’t going to happen. And yet, women all over the Americas attempt to follow in this disturbing trend.

Allow me to explain. In our society today we, irrespective of gender, have a tendency to feel dissatisfied with our physical appearance. Many of us go to great lengths to improve our appearance. For many women, it is the attempt to squeeze their butts into a pair of pants two sizes too small. Here is where we find the disconnect between science and daily life. You may remember this from Junior High science:

Matter can neither be created nor destroyed.

So, you see, you’ve managed to squeeze yourself into the pants that are two sizes too small, but since matter can neither be created nor destroyed, your fat ass has been squeezed up into your waist and you’re looking like a s’more that’s been sat upon and all the marshmallow is being squeezed out of the sides. When you’ve accomplished this feat and your pants are fastened, you feel great, and continue your ensemble with a short, tight shirt, which accents your middle that’s spilling out over your pants like the cheese on a quarter pounder. My message to you is clear: This only makes you look even more out of proportion and large. Also, you look like a moron.

There are clothes out there that fit. Wear them.

In the wake of recent tragedies, not just Hurricane Katrina but also from catastrophes and tragedies that have been happening around the world, we are moved to help in some way. Charities are practically tripping over themselves to get onto every news channel possible so they can tell millions of Americans how they can contribute hard-earned dollars to their relief efforts. Websites are also creating their own means for donating, and thousands upon thousands of dollars are being raised so that the money can… uh, wait. I just gave you $100 – what is it that you stand for and where is my money going?

And this is the problem. It’s wonderful to donate, and I encourage anyone who has the means to do so, but before you give any organization or individual your money, be sure that you have looked into who they are, what they stand for, and where that money is going. The point of donating is so that nearly every penny you give will reach the people in need. Before you give, go to a website and look at what they stand for. Try to do a little bit of research into an organization before you give. It’s not enough to just recognize the charity name and and write them a check – go to their website and look into their mission statement first. Be sure that you agree with what the organization stands for and how they are going to use your money before you give.

There has been a longtime trend in the U.S. of younger Americans not taking an interest in following the general news. My hunch is that this is most likely what keeps so many from voting at election time. According to the U.S. Census, in the 2004 elections, only 51.5% of U.S. residents between 18 – 24 years registered to vote, and of those, only 41.9% actually voted. Of course, during every election year, a hundred celebrities will stand up on MTV and work themselves into a media frenzy in order to promote themselves – I mean, trying to get young people to vote. Election after election, they’re out there trying to “rock the vote” and nothing is being rocked except for their wallets. The problem is the obvious: MTV isn’t out there educating anyone on what the issues are. Instead, everyone is out there for the publicity and to make a buck, and it is showing in the polls. My wish is that someone would get out there and arm the general public for the elections, so when the time comes and the onslaught of media erupts, people would be armed and ready.

Well, someone other than Jon Stewart. In the “Who Can Make More Fun of George Bush” contest, he definitely wins first prize. There isn’t anything wrong with this if you’re a huge liberal and you hate Republicans. But if you’re a conservative like me, the Republican jokes get a little old. According to a statistic I heard during the last election, a large percentage of the 18 – 24 voting demographic gets most of their newsworthy information from satirical sources, the largest one being Jon Stewart. This frightens me, as he generally adds his liberal slant on all things. But I’ve got to hand it to him, he’s giving our young people something that they want to watch – he’s keeping them up on the news (sort of), and he’s giving them a good time while watching. When I was in that demographic, I didn’t pay attention to what was happening, and I found the news rather dull, boring, and extremely repetitive. Actually I still do, but it’s important to me that I know generally what is happening in the world. I hate to say it, but Jon Stewart is sort of on the right track - we need people informing the general public in an entertaining way.

There is a general feeling of apathy that also irritates me. In the aftermath of the 9/11 tragedy, people have said to me, “I really don’t care about the 9/11 thing. I mean, it doesn’t affect me. I live on the other side of the country so why should I care?” This may sound pretty extreme, but this is a general feeling held by a lot of people that when things do not directly affect them, they don’t care. And I don’t mind saying that if you’re one of these people, you’re an ignorant, selfish ass. Sorry. Wake up and take a little more notice of what’s happening in your world, even if it just means going to Google News and scanning down the headlines – that can tell you more than an entire day of watching CNN or Fox News.

It is my expectation that all Halffull readers vote at least in the Presidential Elections and have a general idea about what’s happening on planet Earth. If you don’t, I will help you. Here is the recap of what’s currently going on:

The MTV Video Awards was held last night in Miami, Florida. Once again, everyone who sucks won. Prior to the event, as the celebrities walked the red carpet, I happened to be flipping channels when they interviewed Jessica Alba briefly. The interviewer said, “We really lucked out with the weather here in Miami,” to which Jessica Alba replied, “Yeah, no rain. It allows us to wear less than normal clothing.” The interviewer blinked and said, “Uh, yeah…” Obviously no one clued Jessica in to the fact that a HUGE FOOKING HURRICANE is bearing down on the area. Hurricane Katrina has weakened to a category 3 (125-mph winds), but it’s still very dangerous and is moving inland. All of New Orleans has been evacuated at this point so Trent Reznor may show up on your doorstep with a satchel tied to a stick, looking for a place to stay. Anyway, I’m guessing Jessica Alba’s publicist decided not to inform her about the hurricane because she might have worn something a little more appropriate for the weather, such as a life preserver or perhaps even the state of Nebraska, as it is nowhere near the hurricane. CNN and Fox News feel that there is nothing else newsworthy happening, as they reported on this all day yesterday, non-stop. In other news, hundreds of reporters die in New Orleans from Hurricane Katrina.

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