Halffull.org » General http://halffull.org distributed humor Thu, 08 May 2008 22:06:41 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.2 en The Leader Guy http://halffull.org/2008/02/22/the-leader-guy/ http://halffull.org/2008/02/22/the-leader-guy/#comments Fri, 22 Feb 2008 19:48:12 +0000 hulk http://halffull.org/2008/02/22/the-leader-guy/ You’ve probably heard about the rampant inflation in Zimbabwe. Inflation is at some ridiculously percentage. Let’s say it’s 2,000%. Does it really matter if this figure is accurate? Anyway, there is about $250k being spent on President Mugabe’s 84th birthday party.

  1. Ridiculous inflation
  2. President has giant birthday party

You probably see what’s wrong with this picture. People are struggling, really struggling, to buy simple food staples in that country. Hell if it happened here, there would be investigations. On that note, something is finally happening on executive compensation, a few CEO’s and compensation committee heads from some bank companies are being called to testify before congress. Maybe it’ll be like the Clemens hearings, and we’ll have it turn into a partisan issue.

Whee!

Why do humans continually tolerate this type of behavior? Why do we form groups in which the leader is granted perks above the rest of the group? Why is it that these perks are often disproportionately extravagant compared to the perks the rest of the group enjoys? A few examples:

Our President can fuck up royally, making poor decisions. The only consequence is losing the re-election. In the second term, there are no consequences. While some presidents have received intense scrutiny for more personal activities (Watergate, Lewinsky, Andrew Johnson for being southern) no president has been subject to oversight or post-presidential criminal charges. Of course this brings up the separate issue of: What are the penalties for a poor decision made in good faith? Further, is it even possible for a leader to continually make good decisions? Is it possible that you could take a monkey, lay the reasonable options on a table, and have the monkey pick one, and you either do or do not get quick FEMA aid to New Orleans?

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]]> http://halffull.org/2008/02/22/the-leader-guy/feed/ Happy Holidays http://halffull.org/2006/12/25/happy-holidays/ http://halffull.org/2006/12/25/happy-holidays/#comments Mon, 25 Dec 2006 16:05:22 +0000 redshift http://halffull.org/2006/12/25/happy-holidays/ Merry Christmas to you, dear reader. Halffull has had a tough month, with family illness, personal injury, stress at work, etc. Nevertheless, this is a time to be with your family, forget your troubles, and enjoy the spirit of it all. I wish you all the best.

]]> http://halffull.org/2006/12/25/happy-holidays/feed/ Pyramid Schemes http://halffull.org/2006/11/28/pyramid-schemes/ http://halffull.org/2006/11/28/pyramid-schemes/#comments Tue, 28 Nov 2006 22:42:50 +0000 redshift http://halffull.org/2006/11/28/pyramid-schemes/ Why is it that I’m such a magnet for pyramid schemes? I’ve now been approached three separate times about business opportunities that can change your lifestyle if you have dreams and can shift your perspective from factory to passive business model.

Yes, I was actually asked if I have dreams. Today. By an old guy who’s working in the same lumbering corporation as me. I hate to point out the obvious, but if this were such a great opportunity, wouldn’t he be long gone?

I’ll save you 15 minutes. The idea is that when you work for a typical company, you are a factory that merely turns your time into money. When you work passively, you do something now that pays you forever. In essence, you generate money from nothing. It’s like a money tree. Just pick the money off the branches! The money generates itself without any work, so you retire in a few years and still have income. Who wouldn’t like that?

Where, you might ask, does the free money come from? Well, all you have to do is buy beauty products from yourself and convince your friends and family to do the same. You get a portion of every sale. Next, you convince people to enter the same scam that you were suckered into, and you earn a portion of their sales, including the sales of the people they sucker.

Here’s a diagram:

The scheme...

That doesn’t look like any recognizable shape to me…

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]]> http://halffull.org/2006/11/28/pyramid-schemes/feed/ My God is better than your God, Or: Oh yeah? Well Buddha has laser beams for eyes, so there! http://halffull.org/2006/11/19/my-god-is-better-than-your-god-or-oh-yeah-well-buddha-has-laser-beams-for-eyes-so-there/ http://halffull.org/2006/11/19/my-god-is-better-than-your-god-or-oh-yeah-well-buddha-has-laser-beams-for-eyes-so-there/#comments Sun, 19 Nov 2006 19:35:51 +0000 hulk http://halffull.org/2006/11/19/my-god-is-better-than-your-god-or-oh-yeah-well-buddha-has-laser-beams-for-eyes-so-there/ Note: This rant is incomplete and full of generalizations.  You could spend the whole time reading this screaming internally about how I got your religion wrong.  Is that really useful?  I’ll make it easy for you: I admit up front that there are lots of good things I’m missing about all religious mentioned below.  Except Hinduism, b/c you’re gods have way too many arms and I’m not backing down on that.  I will NOT agree with you that every other religion is wrong and yours is the right one. Scott Adams had a very clever point about reducing the conflict between Christians, Muslims and Jews.  Let’s take it in a different direction:  What’s similar?  Where can we all find common ground?

1.  Hindu’s, Buddhists, Wiccans, and Atheists are all going to Hell.  We can all agree on this one, let’s move on.  ( Oh, and if you’re an atheist, stop smiling right now.  You do worship a God, his name is Science, and you believe in just as many lies as those who worship God, or a “god”.  You believe that one ape got wings, used them to fly to get more bananas, fed the bananas to girl apes, and thus bing!  Flying monkeys.  You ignorant liberal redneck.)

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]]> http://halffull.org/2006/11/19/my-god-is-better-than-your-god-or-oh-yeah-well-buddha-has-laser-beams-for-eyes-so-there/feed/ Cell Phones are Evil, or: I don’t like my digital leash http://halffull.org/2006/11/18/cell-phones-are-evil-or-i-dont-like-my-digital-leash/ http://halffull.org/2006/11/18/cell-phones-are-evil-or-i-dont-like-my-digital-leash/#comments Sat, 18 Nov 2006 21:42:31 +0000 hulk http://halffull.org/2006/11/18/cell-phones-are-evil-or-i-dont-like-my-digital-leash/ I wanted to write this about other people and how they use their cellphones. How it’s evil, and wrong, to have instant communication at our fingertips. We don’t need instant communication, etc. I wanted to rant and rave about those I’ve seen and friends of mine who use their cellphones and… then I remembered walking into a room the other day to return a loaner laptop, and I call someone on my cellphone - right before walking into the room. I ask the person on the phone to hold on, transact my business of returning the laptop and signing, and start my conversation with the person on the phone.

Why did I do this? Why didn’t either party stop me and say “You’re being rude”? Why is it that when a cellphone rings and I’m out somewhere with someone, I pick it up and say, “I’m at the mall with so and so. Lemme call you back later?”. Why do I have this ringing buzzing constant-communication device which causes me to be rude to others, to sit in a car ignoring a passenger while carrying on a conversation on a cell phone? To make it more perplexing, I would argue that a cellphone is more likely to be answered than a home phone. If you’re entertaining a guest, wouldn’t you just let the machine get it? Yet a cellphone has voicemail and we answer it anyway. Hi, I can’t talk right now, I’ll call you back. Or, oh hey, yeah I’ve got just a minute (minute being defined as however long we feel comfortable ignoring the other person).

What is it that we so urgently discuss on cellphones?

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]]> http://halffull.org/2006/11/18/cell-phones-are-evil-or-i-dont-like-my-digital-leash/feed/ The world is going to Hell, or: Intellectual Dishonesty http://halffull.org/2006/08/27/the-world-is-going-to-hell-or-intellectual-dishonesty/ http://halffull.org/2006/08/27/the-world-is-going-to-hell-or-intellectual-dishonesty/#comments Mon, 28 Aug 2006 03:12:26 +0000 hulk http://halffull.org/2006/08/27/the-world-is-going-to-hell-or-intellectual-dishonesty/ Through me pass into the Painful City,

Through me pass into Eternal Grief,

Through me pass along the Lost People.

-Commedia, Inferno, Canto III

I’ve probably lost some of you. Translation:

Tonight! At 11! Could YOU be the victim of a Terrorist attack! Also, is air travel safe enough for you and your family? Stay tuned!

The abundance of news has brought a terrible ill unto the world: Information. It’s entirely possible that ignorance is not only bliss, it is wise. I think of the interview Barbara Walters did with the Dalai Llama and asked him how in the world he can be happy with “all that’s going on”. I could say that we exist in a state of information paralysis, but that would be forcing a metaphor. I think more accurately I take umbrage at the intellectual dishonesty that is making an analysis of complex issues. You take umbrage at me using the word umbrage, I’m sure because I’m using it incorrectly.

I’m sure you’ve heard “The world is going to Hell” or one of its cousins, such as “I don’t know what the world is coming to” or, “Things are getting worse”. You may have heard these words coming out of your own mouth. I happen to believe that you’re right, its just your reasoning thats wrong.

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]]> http://halffull.org/2006/08/27/the-world-is-going-to-hell-or-intellectual-dishonesty/feed/ Whiny Canuckistanis, or: You only know that because someone told you http://halffull.org/2006/08/09/whiny-canuckistanis-or-you-only-know-that-because-someone-told-you/ http://halffull.org/2006/08/09/whiny-canuckistanis-or-you-only-know-that-because-someone-told-you/#comments Thu, 10 Aug 2006 01:10:24 +0000 hulk http://halffull.org/2006/08/09/whiny-canuckistanis-or-you-only-know-that-because-someone-told-you/ Let me start by clearing the air. I reject the following things as false:

  1. Canada is its own country

  2. Canadians deserve to eat big hamburgers like us Americans

  3. Those drawings of embryos we saw in biology class were true and proof of evolution

  4. That scientists were able to recreate early earth conditions in a laboratory and create precursors to life

  5. That the fossil record supports evolution

  6. Punctuated equilibrium, or: Circular logic (Since the fossil record doesn’t show intermediaries, they must appear quickly and then disappear. That proves evolution. Therefore these intermediaries show up quickly and then disappear and that’s why they’re not in the fossil record)

  7. Survivial of the fittest (The eugenists had it right-if you eliminate the inferior genes from the human population, you will create a genetically superior race. A theory finding new support today as people tie abortion + early detection of genetic abnormalities in the womb. The status quo is that uneducated people reproduce more. I can’t wait for the flames.)

  8. If you don’t support evolution you must believe in God, and that makes you a weirdo.

All of these things are false. How do I know? I was told. By Ann Coulter. BTW Ann, my offer’s still open. I will brush your cat any day.

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]]> http://halffull.org/2006/08/09/whiny-canuckistanis-or-you-only-know-that-because-someone-told-you/feed/ Prelude to the Return - New Rules of Engagement http://halffull.org/2006/06/14/prelude-to-the-return-new-rules-of-engagement/ http://halffull.org/2006/06/14/prelude-to-the-return-new-rules-of-engagement/#comments Wed, 14 Jun 2006 18:11:07 +0000 Blue Midget http://halffull.org/2006/06/14/prelude-to-the-return-new-rules-of-engagement/ A few months ago, the regular halffull contributors reached an impasse.  Tension and differing opinions on the site had been mounting for a couple of months, and nasty things were said. 

That’s all over now.  We’re back, but there must be rules. 

1.  There will be no name calling.

2.  As Patrick Swayze says in Road House, “Be nice.”

3.  No hijacking.  In the internet world, if you take someone’s post and derail it to talk about your agenda, it’s called hijacking and it’s considered extremely rude.  Create a new post and talk about whatever is on your mind; don’t steal someone else’s thread.

4.  There is a misnomer that this site is for ranting and fighting and arguing and serious topics.  Not everyone is a ranter or someone who likes to argue.  A lot of it is meant to be humor or general expression. Please don’t read everyone’s posts with a chip on your shoulder.

5.  Everyone is welcome at halffull, except jackasses.

If you’re an old timer who left the site due to inactivity, welcome back to a kinder, gentler halffull… with a side of rant.

]]> http://halffull.org/2006/06/14/prelude-to-the-return-new-rules-of-engagement/feed/ The Plug http://halffull.org/2005/10/25/the-plug/ http://halffull.org/2005/10/25/the-plug/#comments Tue, 25 Oct 2005 13:00:57 +0000 Blue Midget http://halffull.org/?p=266 Tigerblade — Penalty! Offsides on defense, 5 yards!

Here at Halffull, we don’t have a section for other websites that you can link to. Of course, any time I ask redshift to add something to the menu bar, it is met with a steely-eyed glare that says, “You want to make this site look particularly ugly, don’t you?” Of course I don’t but it’s up to our site Nazi to make sure this website looks as clean as possible, in the same way that it’s up to me to ask for eighty million changes. (Speaking of which, what happened to previewing a comment before posting? Huh?) But what can I say? Redshift is an internet-snob and wants to make us as un-blog-like as possible. Besides, most of my posts (especially the news updates) are filled with links anyway.

Due to the barrage of spam we usually get, it’s really hard for me to look through the logs and figure out if we’re being linked or not, since 95% of what is listed is pr0n spam. Either that, or redshift and hulk are lying to me when they say they haven’t been signing halffull up at wwwdotbig-boobs-cheerleaders-kinkymidget-pr0ndotcom. I think they’re lying. You see, I’m addicted to the site stats. I analyze them critically. I make excel charts and bring them to Halffull meetings. And when we dip below 250 visits a day, I freak out. For the past week, our viewings have dipped a bit. I’m not sure where everyone’s gone, but you’re freaking me out, dudes. Is it me? Do I smell? Maybe it’s hulk - I swear that we take him out back and hose him down once in a while. It helps keep the rabid foam around his mouth down to a minimum. Plus, it keeps him going with fresh rants. Never stale, that’s our motto.

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]]> http://halffull.org/2005/10/25/the-plug/feed/ For Those About to Blog, We Salute You http://halffull.org/2005/10/10/for-those-about-to-blog-we-salute-you/ http://halffull.org/2005/10/10/for-those-about-to-blog-we-salute-you/#comments Mon, 10 Oct 2005 16:21:09 +0000 Blue Midget http://halffull.org/?p=244 If you checked into the site this weekend, you might have noticed redshift’s post about someone who copied and pasted an entire article from this site and copied it onto their weblog. A couple of hours after he posted it, we found a couple of other people who had also copied entire articles from this site and pasted it onto their weblogs as well.

So, to you who have cut and pasted entire articles onto your site, I have written you a song. Actually, in your honor I have plagiarized the song, but re-written the lyrics for you.

To the tune of “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” by Bobby McFerrin:

Here’s a little blog we wrote
Some noobs want to copy it note for note
Don’t worry… They’re crappy.
Their sites are ugly and have no style
I guess that’s why they copy our files
But don’t worry… They’re crappy.

Don’t worry. They’re crappy!
Don’t worry. They’re crappy!

Can’t think of anything original to say
Just cut and paste because you’re totally ghey
Don’t worry… Be crappy!
This should be corrected in all good time
You’ll learn not to plagiarize in Junior High
Don’t worry… Be crappy!

Don’t worry. They’re crappy!
Ooh! Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh…
Don’t worry.
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh…
They’re crappy.
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh…
Seriously, their sites have no good content!
Ooh! Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh…
So don’t worry.
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh…
Their sites are crappy.
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh…

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