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My biggest passion in cooking and baking has always been cookies. Why cookies? Because no person is ever unhappy to receive them. Cookies are an amazing, fun-filled pastime for all ages in every culture. This is something you can do by yourself or with other people for special occasions – or for no occasion at all.

It has been my life’s pursuit to find the greatest cookie recipes of all time; although just recently I have come to the conclusion that this is impossible. Due to the different tastes and preferences between individuals (not to mention between cultures), it would be impossible to find the top ten definitive cookie recipes.

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In an earlier post, I noted that when we got closer to Canadian Thanksgiving, we’d start talking turkey. Really, I had every intention of doing so. But then a couple of weeks went by and – Oops, Canadian Thanksgiving is next week.

I love talking food. In fact, it is my secret ambition to become a world renowned chef. Well, truth be told, I have a lot of secret ambitions to be a lot of really cool things – like a ninja. Unfortunately, becoming a ninja is much more difficult and time consuming than one would think, not to mention a little impractical, and not exactly something you can nonchalantly mention in a conversation. If anything, I would be a ninja just for random ass kicking. I could beat someone up and then shout, “I am Blue Midget! I am no one’s bitch!” But I digress. The most reasonable food ambition that I’ve had over the past few years is to find the best cookie recipes ever – and don’t give me that crap about the Neiman Marcus cookies. I wipe my butt with those things. They are certainly “nice”, or possibly even “pleasant”, but not the best. In fact, they’re not even on the top ten list of awesomely delicious cookies ever. Don’t fall for the hype.

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I enjoy a good hot cup of tea. Now, when most people read that sentence, they key in on the words “hot cup of tea” and forget the “good” part. Growing up, I was only exposed to Red Rose tea that my dad would make for me when I was sick. Suffice to say, dear old Dad isn’t known for his fine tastes in cuisine, so my knowledge of tea was a scalding hot mug of tea-tinted water with a half tube of honey squeezed into it. Not good.

By the time I had moved out of my parents’ house, I was a coffee drinker, through and through. For years I didn’t even think of tea. In fact, I looked down upon the millions of pansy tea drinkers around the world until a few years ago, when one of my Canadian friends introduced me to loose leaf teas. I remember having to wait for the water to boil and then for the tea to seep – at first I thought it was some goofy liberal tea ritual, but after drinking it (with a little bit of cream) I was absolutely amazed. It wasn’t remotely related to the watery crap I had as a kid, and, converted faster than Katie Holmes to Scientology, I have been in search of good tea ever since.

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I’ve been gaining weight recently – and if you know me, you realize that’s probably a good thing. I couldn’t figure it out, because I never exercise or diet, and I’m eating roughly the same food. However, here is what I postulate.

Three square meals per day will kill you. Yes, that’s right.

I can say from experience that when you’re a slacker and can eat whenever you want, you eat when your body gets hungry. Makes sense, right? Also, you only eat up to the point where your body is satiated.

Now, stick the body in an 8-5 job. You’re forced to eat breakfast at 7, lunch at 12, dinner at 6. Because you no longer eat when your body says you need to, but rather when your job says you can, you gorge yourself three times a day in order to make it to the next meal without starving. You take in more energy than you expend pushing pencils, and you gain weight.

I suppose the solution is to snack during the day, assuming you don’t work near life-threatening chemicals like hulk.

So I had yet another crappy wrap today. And I was thinking about wraps in general. And I realized that I have never had a wrap that I enjoyed more than a sandwich. Ever since the mid-90′s, the wrap has become this hip thing that every eatery has to have, the alternative/replacement to the sandwich. The idea is you take the ingredients for a sandwich and wrap them up in a flatbread of some kind.

Problem is, the bread they use is always really dry and powdery. In addition, wrapping technique varies, and in most places is so haphazard that half the meat and cheese and vegetables are bundled inside 2-3 layers of this crap bread with the rest of it sticking out the back. And for the poor bastards who get this with some kind of dressing or sauce, it’s all dripping out the back and all over your shirt/plate. It’s disgusting, especially for someone who’s so OC about food he eats ribs with a fork and knife just so his hands dont get messy. Tell me honestly one incidence where the sandwich doesn’t kick the wrap’s ass. I swear I’m gonna find the evil little mutant who started this revolution, who’s probly the owner/operator of some midwest sandwich shop and I’m gonna torture him until he stops making wraps. And then I’m coming after everyone else.