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I miss when I was seven years old, and I hadn’t learned any of life’s really hard lessons yet.

When I was that age, I only knew what little information about the world that I was told (or assumed). I knew there had to be a God, because why else would all of these millions of people go to church every week? I knew I’d grow up and have a perfect body and meet the perfect man and it would be love at first sight, because that’s what happened in all Disney movies. I had heard a little bit about the environment and pollution, but that could all be easily fixed if people just recycled and planted trees, right? And I certainly knew that if I really wanted to, and if I worked super hard, I could be Prime Minister some day, because any Canadian is eligible to be Prime Minister. And besides, my parents told me I could be anything I wanted to be.

When you’re young, life is black and white. There is an imperial right or wrong. You know that all you have to do is make the correct choices, and you’re sooo sure that when those choices come you’ll be ready and waiting for them.

Little does anyone suspect that along with “black” and “white” there’s a whole lot of grey. The hard part isn’t selecting the “right” choice, but deciding what on earth the “right” choice is in first place. You realize that life is like one big multiple choice quiz where none of the answers are really correct, so you can only pick what you think is “least incorrect.”

What I know now is that scientists predict that in the next century over half of the species on Earth will have become extinct. I know that if the designing of cities doesn’t get seriously smarter soon, the pollution caused by cars going between work and home, and the amount of traffic on city roads and highways, and the level of taxation is going to get really crazy. I know that the man who I want to be attracted to me is being exposed to the lipo-suctioned, implanted, photo-shopped, perfect women in the media and that it is physically impossible for me (or any real woman) to ever look like that. I know that deciding who to vote for in any most elections is difficult simply because there are no “good” candidates (pick the “least incorrect”). I know that most of the homeless people downtown are mentally insane, and incapable of supporting themselves, and there’s not a damn thing I can think to do to help them. I know that half the time people become special because they’re famous, not famous because they’re special. I know that in a few hundred years no one will remember my name.

And I know that I’ll never be Prime Minister, because while all Canadians are technically eligible, only the rich white men are taken seriously.

When you’re young, life is simplified and you think you can do anything. Then you grow up and realize that nothing in life makes sense, and you can’t think to do a damn thing.

I had a thought as I drove by a graveyard today.

Graveyards are often beautiful places. The grass is kept cut and weeded, and the trees trimmed. They’re often build on hillsides. There is always a neat little fence around them. Really, a location like this would be the perfect place for a park or playground.

Which makes me think…

Does anyone think it’s funny that we put so much energy into creating a resting place for the dead, when really, let’s face it, they’re dead. A grassy hill or a dumpster really isn’t going to make a difference to someone who’s dead, right?

Of course, I’m not suggesting that we simply put out the dead with the weekly garbage collection or anything, but isn’t it funny that we spend so much work making an aesthetically pleasing place for dead people? Continue Reading »

Before I begin, allow me to state that this anecdote really does have a point. Really. I promise.

So my little sister and I are walking today and we see these two guys riding on one bike. They’re not doing it the “smart” way, where one sits on the seat and the other on the handrail. No, one is sitting on the front of the seat, pedalling, and the other is sitting on the back of the seat, bending his knees so that his feet hang over the back wheel. And my sister, Katie, and I look at them and say to each other, “My, isn’t that unsafe?”

At this point, the second rider slides off the back of the seat, landing himself on the spinning back wheel. Ouch. And from his high-pitched squeal, it doesn’t sound like he landed too comfortably. Considering the direction in which the wheel was turning, he probably ended up with his balls caught between the wheel and the seat. Katie and I die laughing (because we’re women and we realize that we have no concept whatsoever of how that might feel), and make jokes about how that guy will likely never be able to have children after that mishap.

Sadly, this immediately makes me think about evolution… Continue Reading »

Has anyone ever noticed that the World Wildlife Foundation (WWF) only saves cute animals? Let’s think, the last three animals I’ve heard of the WWF trying to help have been the black bears in Ontario, the seals on the northeastern coast, and the pandas in China. Only the latter is an endangered species.

There’s no question it was because the seals were cute. The seal hunt was stopped a few years ago, and since then the seals have become overpopulated. The same goes for the bears. They stayed back in the forests and didn’t bother anyone before the spring bear hunt was stopped. Now they get into the garbage at my grandparents’ house in rural Ontario. My grandfather had to shoot one last year, as it was becoming a danger.

Don’t even get me started on the pandas… Continue Reading »

Y’know, of all the crap that happened due to the millennium (think Y2K scares, people thinking it’s gonna be the end of the world, training yourself to write “20″ instead of “19″ on the date, etc.) there’s one little thing that keeps coming back to bite me in the ass.

Apparently, at that time the Canadian government thought it would be fun to advertise it’s existence by introducing millennium quarters to “ring in the new year.” Sure, they were fun and festive, and at the time everyone enjoyed collecting them…

But nowadays they’re just a minor annoyance because they’re no good for anything. Seriously, you can’t use them for phone calls, you can’t use them for pop machines… I guess they have a different weight or shape than neccessary for quarters, and that’s why no machines will accept them.

A nice gesture, but please, the next time the government wants to remind people it’s alive can’t they just build another statue or something?

Note: Halffull would like to commemorate our first post by someone I don’t know! Hear, Hear!

I like PCs. A lot. I don’t care for Macs, even if they’re supposedly “easier” to work. There aren’t that many differences between Macs and PCs, except for the slowness and the sucking of Macs. Continue Reading »