Halffull.org

So I read that some colleges are alarmed that the supposedly growing gender disparity between men and women is growing at colleges - in favor of women. The response? We need to recruit more men!

Huh? How does that work again? Well if you’re talking in terms of percentages, that means denying admission to qualified women in favor of men. This is pure genius. Let’s face facts: women are more likely to apply themselves and get their shit together and do their homework. It comes down to that. We men have beer, porn, sports, video games, beer, porn… all distracting us. Women, on average, are better at avoiding distraction. I think it has something to do with their periods.

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And I kill people all day long because I play video games

Good morning. This morning, I have a few things bouncing around in the brain. First and foremost I am absolutely dumbfounded with the lack of professionalism and careless reporting of local “news” media groups, especially the crack “news” crew of Buffalo. Allow me to paint an exciting picture of the average “news” broadcast that simple minded Buffalonians tune in to; the gospel according to Irv. (A little inside there)

“Tonight’s top story: A squirrel has chewed through a homeless man’s shin. This and more at 11.” (The preceding was not true. This never happned, but would probably be on the “news”.)

This is not news. This is unfortunate, but not news. This is the sort of event that should be posted on Halffull.org. The rest of the “news” would be some lame-ass tongue-in-cheek between some fugly looking, wanna-be primadonnas who dress circa 1983. They will pretend to wax intellectual about a freaking pumpkin fest or some damned fool who makes some tasty chili. It gets worse.

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Good morning. I am Wilford Brimley and I have the diabetes.

I have a bone to pick with all of you. First and foremost I would like to share an anecdote. The other day while I was shopping for a few hundred pounds of fine Quaker brand oats, I was approached by a crazed lunatic. Before me was a gentleman dressed in a wizard’s cloak holding an owl and a broadsword. I was dumbfounded. I have never seen anything like this while riding horses on my ranch in the Rockies.

I asked the gentleman,”Sir, why do you hold an owl and a broadsword. And why are you staring at me.”

He replied, “Foul Goblin Warchief Gnut-Kreft, silence yourself before I cast a level 12 fireball spell at you!”

I had no idea what he was carrying on about. So, I asked him. “Son what the devil are you carrying on about?”

“SILENCE! You are the devil and I will slay you!!”

At this point I was feeling a bit threatened.

I thought to myself for a moment, “Does this guy know who he is dealing with? I am Wilfrod freaking Brimley! I once wrestled three Grizzly Bears to death by tearing their faces off.”

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