American Thanksgiving: Talkin’ Turkey

In a couple of weeks, Americans everywhere will cook up the traditional Thanksgiving feast. For some chefs it will be an honor, and for others, a curse. Like every major American holiday, marketing campaigns explode with the latest gadgets, recipes, and foods that will make your Thanksgiving spread the most amazing and memorable dinner ever in the history of your lives thus far, in fact even Henry VIII would cry out in jealousy if he were able to cast his eyes upon your amazing feast. Some time between now and the next three weeks, consumers will rush out and purchase large quantities of whatever they can get their hands on so their guests may gorge themselves on the delicious delights of their Thanksgiving table. Families and friends will come together to hold hands, sing songs, and resemble something out of an ABC Special.

What a bunch of crap.

Most Americans live well beyond their means. Advertisements and slogans do their best to make the average consumer feel as though their lives will not be fulfilled unless they purchase X, Y, or Z. This is a lie, and yet every year we rush out to the stores to purchase enough food for an army and, dare I say, while some people have none. (Remember the times you have been needy and donate to a family in your area that could use a helping hand!)

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Sony Confirmed Pure Evil

http://www.theinquirer.net/?article=27426

That deserved a line of its own. Go read about how Sony hates you. Admittedly the story is a bit biased, but it has a right to be. Shame on you, Sony.

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Fark Photoshops

The photoshops on Fark have been running quite dry (lame) for some time, but lately a couple of good ones have crept up. This afternoon, a photoshop thread was started for Farkers to start a political flame war using Magic the Gathering Cards. It’s a really long thread, but it’s definitely worth picking through.

JeffK is BACK!

Go read him NOWNOWNOW!

Something Awful’s JeffK

Edit: I should have added the disclaimer that most of you will not “get” JeffK at all. Read at your own risk.

Federline’s Album Leaks Onto the Internet

Before Kevin Federline and Britney Spears were married, sources were reporting that Federline was in the works of making his own clothes line (Britney claims that he “has great style”, which is true if you consider “great style” to be the high fashion of K-Mart Blue Light Specials), his own rap CD (wtf?) and, more recently, opening a dance studio with Michael Jackson’s father (I won’t even go there).

We were hoping none of these were really true but earlier this week, sources were reporting that Federline was working on a CD which he brought home and played for Britney, who allegedly laughed upon hearing it and said he would sell ‘a hundred, maybe a thousand copies’ if he was lucky.

Well, apparently his rap album that he’s recording with producer Disco D. (whoever the hell that is) has been leaked onto the internet. I haven’t been able to listen to it yet because I’m at work and because I’m afraid that I will implode upon hearing his voice, but if anyone actually listens to this, please, I am begging you, comment below and let us know how horrid this is. The song is apparently called “Y’all Ain’t Ready” — and you know, he’s got that right.

It’s Not Funny Anymore

Considering how much I write about current television programs, you’d think that I watch a lot of it. I really don’t; it just gives me something to write about. And when I do watch TV, I’m an extreme channel changer so I don’t watch just one show – I am watching anywhere between three to five shows at one time. I like to drift in and out of different shows because even if you miss a couple minutes of something, you can generally figure out what happened. Well, unless it’s the Food Network’s Spooky Cake Competition, because you know my ass is glued to that action.

When it comes to television and ratings, for some reason the 20-something demographic is the highly coveted viewer for many stations. And I am not sure why, because a lot of them (or you or your peers – whomever I’m speaking to) really don’t know what the hell is so funny anymore. For some odd reason, television producers are bringing back things that were cool right around the time the now-20-somethings were born, and many of them are hanging on to the principle that these things used to be cool and funny, yet are no longer what they once were. Their prime has passed. Let them go. Aren’t sure which ones I’m talking about? Here are two for you:

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The News in Haiku

This week’s challenge: Write up a bit of news in haiku and post it below in the comments section. Haiku generally has three lines, the first and third line having five syllables, the second line having seven. The only real rule is that it has to include a news link in it, to show its newsworthiness.

Here are some examples:

Alito: New Choice
Democrat Armageddon!
O sloppy seconds

Madonna is back
Here is a secret for you:
Enough, fake accent!

Stolen photos of
Britney and Cletus offspring
Quick to whore their child

Submit your news haikus in the comments section below! And don’t be a weenie about the comments section – I don’t bite.

Homestar Halloween

Late last night (early this morning for some of us), the guys at Homestarrunner finally got the Halloween update on the site. Bonus: It’s a choose your own adventure.