Turning You Off of Politics, One Sarcastic Remark at a Time

Previously, I expressed my frustration over the number of Americans between the ages of 18 – 24 who do not vote, and a large percentage of that age group whose primary source of news is satire – namely, Jon Stewart. From time to time I like to ask people in this demography why they did not vote in presidential elections, and to no surprise, the answers I receive are usually the same: “Politics are stupid; it’s all stupid. I don’t agree with anyone.”

After giving this a great deal of thought, I have come to the conclusion that many of the programs and campaigns aimed at this demography are actually doing more harm than good. Humor and satire rule the day when it comes to wooing the younger voter to the ballot box, however, as this has proven more and more ineffectual, the level of sarcasm slopped on top of these attempts has increased to painful decibels. It is my opinion that sarcasm-overkill is creating the mindset in younger voters that politics are stupid, and is ultimately deemphasizing the importance in voting and the long-term effects of individuals in office. As I obviously enjoy humor and satire as much as the next person, the level of bullshit being slapped onto important issues are doing more harm than good. It is time to pare back to news Cliffnotes with some simple satire.

To add insult to injury, one of Jon Stewart’s cronies is branching off to his own 30-minute television program, “The Colbert Report” The tagline on Comedy Central reads:

“What The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is to evening news, The Colbert Report is to personality-driven pundit shows. Colbert brings his sarcastic charm to a half-hour report, tackling the important issues of the day and telling his guests why their opinions are just plain wrong.”

Well that’s just frigging fantastic. I can’t wait.

If anything, the recent moves in the Supreme Court should be enough wake-up for younger voters: Elected officials will affect the country forever. For such a “stupid” presidential election, we will be living with the effects of the Bush Administration forever. Being able to nominate a Justice during your Presidency is quite a legacy, but two Justices, and one of them the Supreme Justice? That’s not legacy; its history staring you in the face.

Justice nominee Harriet Miers has come under extreme fire from conservatives, as she has been a close suck-up of the President over the years. Oops, did I say “suck-up”? I meant friend and recent advisor. If anything, this is an excellent example of how ass-kissing can get you ahead. Over-achievers, set your puckers to stun.

All kinds of correspondence sent between Mini-Me and Bush over the past decade have been dragged into the media now, as case against the nominee. Greeting cards from Mini-Me saying “You and Laura are the best” as well as other personal memos have been coming to light as fuel for the opposition. The White House has been fighting back, citing her credentials – it’s out of our hands now, and we’ll have to wait and see how our elected officials who apparently are stupid and do not matter or have any effect on us whatsoever decide.

By now, you’ve heard that there was a major earthquake in the Indian Subcontinent, killing over 30,000 people in Pakistan, Afghanistan and India. So, I have to bring this up: Every time disaster or Arab terrorists hit the U.S. or U.K., the Arab world celebrates in the streets, proclaiming that God has meted out judgment against us horrible white people, even though we aren’t all white. Or maybe it’s against us non-correct-religion-believing-people, even though many people all over the world share their same faith, although not that crazily. But whatever – when you’re on a jihad, there’s no time to sort out these trivial details! In our previous disasters and crises, I can’t think of a time when the western world has had as many deaths as this recent quake disaster has brought. So uh, does this mean that even though God hates the western world, he hates the Arab world more? Can I run out into the streets with my machine gun, firing at will into the air, declaring that God hates the Arab world? Excuse me, I’ll be back in an hour. I need to go find my AK-47.

There is also a ton of stupid stuff going on in the media, like this whole Jessica Simpson/Nick Lachey divorce thing. At first, reports were coming in saying they were divorcing, then a couple of days later new reports claimed the tabloids were striking out at Jessica with lies. Apparently Simpson’s dad signed a deal with a particular magazine for $200,000, so that all Jessica’s tabloid-garbage would only go through this particular magazine. Allegedly, the other magazines who have been kind to Jessica in the past (featuring her on their covers, giving her good press, etc.) were pissed off about this exclusive deal and started printing lies about her. There’s really no way of knowing what’s true and what isn’t except for one thing: Jessica Simpson is a dumbass. Sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps me going.

Speaking of stupid Simpsons, Ashlee Simpson is back with a new album that is coming out soon. Or maybe it’s already out, I don’t know, nor do I care because I don’t listen to that kind of crap. What I do like to do is flip on MTV once in a blue moon because it makes me feel a whole lot better about myself. Ashlee has a new video called “Boyfriend”, where you can’t really understand what she’s saying. It’s probably for the best. All that I can make out of the chorus is something that sounds like:

Hey how low can I really really go
I ride on my sister’s coat
And I have a horse-face

I crack myself up.

In gaming news, World of Warcraft players get hit with gonorrhea. Fundamentalist Christians cite this as act of God for all of the cyber. Conspiracy theorists blame Jack Thompson.

Halffull is being linked by two pretty cool blogs, and I wanted to recognize them:

The first seems to be from a regular reader, although I can’t be sure – they linked us twice so I’m thinking they’re a guilty reader. Careless Thought can be found here, and has done an interesting commentary on hulk’s latest rant. Go and check out this site; it’s a good read. The commentary to hulk’s latest should still be on the front page.

The second blog is Boulevard India, and it reports all kinds of happenings and events in the Indian world. And I don’t mean Native American – I mean India, as in the country. It’s a pretty cool site, so go check it out.

More news next week, stay tuned.