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The Book of Revelation forewarns us of the coming events that will lead us to the end of the age – the end of time itself when Christ, the Son of God, returns to the earth like a thief in the night and all mankind will be judged. Recent events are indicative of Biblical prophecies, and many believe we are living in the fabled “last days”.

There is strong evidence to support these theories as world events continue to develop. Hurricanes, earthquakes, and wars – Christ himself warned his followers that these things would happen, but not to be afraid as it was all a sign of the end. And also, he said, pray for Israel. In the last days, the Bible warns us that all nations will turn against Israel. What an appropriate reminder we have currently, of Iran and Syria being so vocal about “wiping Israel off the map.”

Scoffers, be wary. Naysayers, take heed. For if these things were not enough to convince you, a new and merciless evil has arisen this week that will convince you that the world is indeed living out its final days:

Ashlee Simpson’s new album debuted at #1.

I ask you – no, I charge you with this: How in the hell did this talentless buffoon who looks like some sort of electrocuted albino goth who can neither sing nor dance make it to #1? The end is near. Oh yes. Deliver us, O Lord, from this tasteless and MTV-saturated generation.

It was a disaster from the beginning. When President Bush nominated Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court, a loud outcry went up from conservatives everywhere. The nomination came as a huge shock to, well, just about everyone. If you normally read this site, you’re probably fairly up to date on the situation. If not, then try this and that.

When we last left off, the Senate Judiciary Committee threw a big hissy fit at the questionnaire Miers returned, and asked for more information. The revised questionnaire was due yesterday. In the meantime, Miers was continuing to meet with various Senators, and the media was reporting on Senators who had begun to change their minds in support of the President’s candidate, as well as those who were still clearly unconvinced. Commercials were appearing from conservatives who support Bush but feel the nomination was a mistake, asking for conservatives who feel likewise to sign an online petition against Miers. And the Senate waited for the revised questionnaire. And waited some more. Speculation was pouring in that the President could not rescind the nomination himself, because it would make him look even worse in this scenario.

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Tigerblade — Penalty! Offsides on defense, 5 yards!

Here at Halffull, we don’t have a section for other websites that you can link to. Of course, any time I ask redshift to add something to the menu bar, it is met with a steely-eyed glare that says, “You want to make this site look particularly ugly, don’t you?” Of course I don’t but it’s up to our site Nazi to make sure this website looks as clean as possible, in the same way that it’s up to me to ask for eighty million changes. (Speaking of which, what happened to previewing a comment before posting? Huh?) But what can I say? Redshift is an internet-snob and wants to make us as un-blog-like as possible. Besides, most of my posts (especially the news updates) are filled with links anyway.

Due to the barrage of spam we usually get, it’s really hard for me to look through the logs and figure out if we’re being linked or not, since 95% of what is listed is pr0n spam. Either that, or redshift and hulk are lying to me when they say they haven’t been signing halffull up at wwwdotbig-boobs-cheerleaders-kinkymidget-pr0ndotcom. I think they’re lying. You see, I’m addicted to the site stats. I analyze them critically. I make excel charts and bring them to Halffull meetings. And when we dip below 250 visits a day, I freak out. For the past week, our viewings have dipped a bit. I’m not sure where everyone’s gone, but you’re freaking me out, dudes. Is it me? Do I smell? Maybe it’s hulk – I swear that we take him out back and hose him down once in a while. It helps keep the rabid foam around his mouth down to a minimum. Plus, it keeps him going with fresh rants. Never stale, that’s our motto.

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So far, Puff Daddy is 0 and 2 for making anything. But that doesn’t stop him, oh no. That’s because he’s like a mall developer whose biggest attraction is an old, disgusting Sears that no one shops in. Bound and determined, this entrepreneur will go to great lengths to polish up any smelly turd and sell it to the masses.

Let’s recap. There was a Making the Band 1, but King Peen had nothing to do with it. In fact, I barely even remember this show. If I am correct, someone auditioned a bunch of guys and made a boy band. It was a horrible flop. Not that I’m complaining; this boy band sucked and disappeared just as quickly as they had come in.

Perhaps this reality show had great ratings, and that’s what gave someone the bright idea for a Puff Daddy version of the show. Maybe it was even something from Diddy’s own mind. I don’t know, but P. Diddy’s Making the Band was born.

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The best five minutes of your life begins when you click this link. I cannot even say in words. I cried.

I’m always on the hunt for an amazing cookie recipe. When I am out in public, I subconsciously scan magazine racks for the latest and greatest that our so-called “culinary experts” have to offer. Once in a while, and especially around the holidays, the “best ever cookies” headlines will appear. By now I should know better than to trust these headlines, but I am a sucker: On the off-chance that one of these magazines has just one cookie recipe that meets my standards, I consider it a victory.

But alas, finding a good cookie recipe is nearly impossible to find. The “winning” cookie recipes usually leave me disappointed. I expect magnificence, but get mediocrity. I demand the exciting, but get the uninspiring. Do the cuisine magazines and food divas of today really know what we want to eat? Or is it that so few people are cooking, we’re just happy to eat anything that isn’t from a box or bag? Maybe I am on to something. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if most of us could only rate cookies into two categories: store-bought grade and homemade grade.

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The writers of South Park are creative geniuses. Their new season started this week with an episode mocking “The Day After Tomorrow” by having people run back and forth trying to flee what seemed to be a very physical, if invisible, global warming. Of course the boys are walking around, completely fine, while the idiot adults cower in fear.

Why is the debate on global warming so heated? Why, back in college, was my class asked to give presentations on global warming, only to see those who disagreed that it was occuring literally silenced and told they’re idiots by my professor? Why are we told that there is a complete consensus of scientists that global warming is occuring and that any dissension is foolish and solely motivated by corporations?

I’m thinking there’s some kind of white guilt/self hatred behind it. Primarily this is driven by a need to correct our world and to feel as if we’ve been doing things wrong and that we can and must take corrective action. We see our social ills and need someone to blame. Global warming is caused by humans because if we can’t blame ourselves, we can’t fix it. My problem with global warming is that much of it is junk science. Oh sure, some of the observations are solid. I’m not going to argue with localized observations of certain effects, or even satellite imagery. I’m not obnoxious enough to believe that the scientists involved are idiots. I do believe them when they say that they truly believe that CO2 levels are causing global warming.

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A couple months ago, I embarked on the mission of finding myself a used car. This was my first time searching for a car of any sort, so I had no idea where to start. I looked at dealerships, I looked through newspapers, and eventually took the techie path and looked online.

Eventually I found a dealership that had a car I was interested in. The dealership happened to be about an hour and a half away from my house. So, I make the trip up to look at this car. We look it over, listen to the salesman’s spiel, then take it for a test drive. The car drove great, no noticeable problems. When we get back to the dealership, we start looking through the car to find problems with it, etc. We find out that the back seat which folds down is completely missing any kind of bolt to hold it in. A problem like this should have been my first inclination to walk away. If a dealer doesn’t notice that the back seat moves freely, what else didn’t he check, right? Also, we discovered the jack and tire iron for the spare were missing.

Unfortunately for me I have recently made an effort to become an optimist with certain aspects of my life. So we told the dealer about it, and he said he would fix it and give a call when the parts came in. I continued to look for other cars in the process. I didn’t hear from the dealer for a couple days, so I decided to give him a call. He gives me the, “Oh yeah, it’s ready, when do you want me to drop it off?” First of all, I live an hour and a half away, so I know there’s no way this guy is going to drop a car off at my house. So I say, “Do you even know who this is?” This was followed by silence. He had completely forgotten what vehicle I was interested in and who I was. This should have been sign number two to just walk away.

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Ok, here’s how I understand the Valerie Plame thing. Oh wait, no. I’m gonna diverge for a while.

So about three years ago, I was an intern with a German chemical company. I worked in a small lab with some trailer trash and my Chinese boss. I call this woman trailer trash because she literally was trash. Ragged clothes and hair and way too much makeup, and all she could do is tell stories all day, either about how her third truck (literally) had broken down, or how her husband can’t get a job. Then she’d make up stuff once in a while. She spent most of the day talking, even when I tried to show her I was more interested in getting work done. I was a freaking intern and I got through a hell of a lot more work than she did, even though she was a slightly higher position than me.

She was also horrible with instructions, and screwed up constantly. Now, some screw-ups are expected on a regular basis in a chemical job. But not on the same machine every time you go to use it. And not huge screw-ups either, like running a ton of samples and not labeling anything so the data is all useless. Anyway. Finally one day she decides to make it worse by getting political. We all know politics should be mentioned sparingly in the office. Especially, never say “Those damn Asians keep moving into my neighborhood and ruining it with their high-pitched jabbering” when your boss is Chinese and standing right there. Now my boss had too much class to say anything. She just failed to renew her temp contract when it came up. Then she told me (almost conspiratorially) later, and I told her how thankful I was that she got rid of the trailer trash.

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Every week as I am searching around the internet for newsworthy items, I will sometimes run across snippets from sources that I am not familiar with, i.e., never heard of in my life. And since I do not really like to write more than one news summary per week, I try to be selective about what I rehash here. For example, early last week I found a strange snippet about Marilyn Manson coming out with a new fragrance. I wanted to put this into last week’s summary, but I had never heard of this website before, and I couldn’t find anyone remotely credible that knew anything about it either. And it’s not like I’m friends with the guy so I can’t really phone him or his “people” to confirm the story. A couple of days later, even Fark was reporting the news of this new fragrance, but I hadn’t heard of the website they were linking either. And after everyone else started mentioning it, I didn’t want to mention it anymore. Although, I’m not sure why I am concerned with reporting “factual” information anyway, since no one else is.

Speaking of which… Out to prove to the public that the media lies, Michelle Kosinski of “The Today Show” was reporting on location about the New Jersey floods, live on camera, sitting in a canoe to demonstrate the severity of the flooding… as two men walked in front of the camera, the water only up to their ankles. By the way, there’s probably a job opening on “The Today Show” if any up and coming reporters are looking for a job. Qualifications include a minor in theatre. The link I added goes to Newsbusters, and if you scroll down a bit on their article, you can click to download the canoe debacle. Whatever happened to trustworthy, ethical news sources? Someone bring back Gary Gnu – that’s a name you can trust.

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