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John Roberts has been in hearings with the Senate Judiciary Committee for a week now, and we still know very little about the man. He did give us a clue in responding to a pointed question that he does believe the Constitution protects the right to privacy. What that right to privacy means, though, can be interpreted in many ways.

Roe v. Wade, for example, is based upon one’s right to privacy. A law was struck down in Texas that barred consensual sodomy on the basis of the right to privacy. The concept of privacy, if expanded, could include matters like the right to die, the right to participate in armed service, and other issues. So John Roberts believes the Constitution protects the right to privacy. What’s he going to do with that belief?

He also, in response to questioning this week, stated that he does believe in respecting judicial precedent — a concept known as stare decisis. Under stare decisis, law continues to be shaped by previous court cases. However, stare decisis does not mean a court case once decided will stand forever — Plessy v. Ferguson, which allowed for “separate but equal” public schools and other facilities, was later struck down by Brown v. Board of Education, which made segregation illegal. Prohibition was repealed in a consitutional amendment. So Roberts’ saying he does respect judicial precedent isn’t telling us terribly much.

So where does he stand, and where will he stand, on the issues that will shape the rest of our lives in this country? He ain’t telling. To which I say, damn, that’s slick. And a little scary.

For the first time in over a decade, I have returned to school. While I hold a full-time job, I am taking two classes at the local community college. Were it not for my company’s tuition reimbursement program, I would have had second thoughts about attending due to the expense. The last time I had attended a community college, a full load of credits cost around $450, which I was able to pay for by myself. Now, I am taking two classes (7 credits) and it has cost me $750 – and that’s not even counting books and supplies. Still, it’s a cheaper option than a four-year institution, although I was quite surprised at the cost.

The biggest surprise so far has been the amount of adults I have seen around the campus. Twice this week I have had to stop by the school in the middle of the day, and I was amazed at how many adult students were wandering the campus. My evening and weekend classes are also now quite mixed: I had expected the majority of students to be people aged 27 and up, but it’s actually divided down the middle. Many students are around my parents’ ages, so I must wonder if more adults are starting to return to school.

But I digress; let me tell you where I’m going with all this: I’ve spent a lot of money on school over the past two weeks, movies are way too expensive to pay for and I need a personal loan just to fill up my gas tank. It’s time to get creative with our entertainment as we have very little money to spend on it. Let’s talk cheap entertainment.

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We don’t normally post images, but hey, it’s a Friday. These are old so you’ve probably seen them before, but some jokes just never go out of style.

We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this constitution for the United States of America.

And yes, I typed that from memory! Happy Constitution Day, everyone.

My email has been strangely silent lately. Come on people, send me an email and give me something to write about — and don’t ask me to write about Britney Spears’ white trash child. My guess is that she had a C-section because she’s contracted some sort of weird sexual cootie. Eeew… Federline Cooties.

Send in your questions, comments and suggestions:

The TV Executive “recipe for success” is this: Take a look at the latest hit shows and create as many different variants, spin-offs, and hybrids of them as you possibly can. It’s a lot like the grunge movement, but with a lot less flannel. Fox Television’s “Bones” is one of those hopefuls, trying to jump into the police investigative crime scene genre.

David Boreananananananaaz plays Special Agent Seeley Booth. If you couldn’t guess from his “Special Agent” title or the name “Seeley Booth” that he’s super macho and has more street experience in his pinky-toe than all of us combined, that’s ok because the writing makes it even more painfully obvious. His macho ass is matched up with Emily Deschanel as Dr. Temperance Brennan, a mousey-looking lab rat genius who does not get out much and can understand bones more than other people. Oh and by the way, as the writers throw out there for no reason because it really does nothing for the story or plot, she’s got inner issues because she lost her parents when she was young. In fact, much of the characters’ facets and personalities were carelessly and pointlessly thrown out to the audience in a very cursory way, instead of letting the characters unfold, and told plainly, rather than giving the audience credit for being able to figure some things out on their own. I found this annoying, at best.

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Once again, it’s time for another weekly news update. But this time, politic-lite. Truth be told, I’m getting sick of writing about politics, and I think everyone’s getting sick of reading it. Besides, that’s why you read my articles, right? Because I bring you all the news that no one gives a rat’s ass about. So, let’s get down to the more interesting stuff that you may have missed.

If you live in a freaking cave or just don’t care about sports, you may have missed the NFL Kickoff. The game was preceded by a one hour concert of a strangely chosen mix of artists that no one really cared about, especially after Ozzy Osbourne got on stage and kicked the ever-living crap out of everyone with his performance. I’m not even a big Ozzy fan and I have to say that he was absolutely amazing. The guy is nearing 60, and he’s still kicking our asses. Of course, he looks like an extra from Night of the Living Dead with his phosphorescent skin and wickedly black eyeliner, but he could still rock your ass with the greatest of ease. In fact, I was absolutely amazed at how easy he made it look. About half way through his performance, I couldn’t help but think, “Ozzy’s almost 60 and he’s doing this so naturally, and Ashlee Simpson can’t even lip sync correctly .”

Yeah, I really was thinking that. By the way, has anyone else noticed that her website is called “ashleesimpsonmusic.com”? There’s a joke in there somewhere, but she already has so much more to laugh at that I don’t think we should linger. For some reason, MTV is letting her come back for another season of her stupid reality show that no one watches or cares about. I think the only thing the world will be watching is her reappearance on Saturday Night Live, since she botched the first one up so bad. In fact, there are quite a few petitions out on the net, begging, in fact, pleading, for anyone who can to stop her from “singing.” Yeah, she hurts me too.

Speaking of hurt, Steve Guttenburg is allegedly going to be making another Police Academy. I didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news or anything but, I think God has forsaken us.

In Pedophile news, Michael Jackson has written a new song for Hurricane Katrina relief, and Mariah Carey is going to sing it. Er, wait a minute. Did I really say “relief” and “Mariah Carey” in the same sentence? Well damn, I meant “obnoxious screeching from a psychopathic slut in high heels and a mini-skirt.” Sorry for the mix-up, everyone.

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This weekend, an unprecedented event occurred. In fact, I could scarcely believe it myself when it happened: I actually finished a game.

While this may seem like a relatively common event for most people, it isn’t for me. In my long history of gaming, I have only been able to finish two games in my entire life. That’s right, just two. Through a freak series of accidents, I will normally get to the very end of a game, in some cases down to the very last two or three fights, and something completely out of my control will happen and I will not be able to finish. Whether the computer blows up or my memory card suddenly becomes corrupted and unreadable, I cannot see the ending of a game. (By the way, I’m a ninja.)

You could possibly say that I have finished three games, but I wouldn’t count the third. Last summer, a friend of mine recommended Sacred, saying we could play it together. (I’m a sucker for playing games with friends.) Despite how buggy it was, I was completely addicted, and went on into the game a lot farther than he had. It’s a great game. First of all, the world is absolutely immense. When I finished the first few quests of the game and had tromped all over the area, I checked my stats and realized with surprise that I had only discovered 2% of the world. The main storyline doesn’t even take you into 10% of the gaming map – the game gives you the opportunity to forget about the main quest indefinitely to tromp off to other towns for quests and adventure elsewhere. If you’re the kind of person who insists on doing every single side quest and filling in every single part of the map, this may or may not be the game for you because it would take quite a while to finish. At any rate, I loved the game and really thought, with great excitement, that this may be the second game ever that I would finish, but no, it was not meant to be. At one point near the end, the game informs you that your character must go back and repeat everything on a higher level before you can continue on and finish the game. Screw that. I moved on to the next game.

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Unrequited (Confessions of a Statue of a Muse to a Statue of a Handsome Man)

Love not given, not received,
Brings such sweet, sweet hurt to me.
From my depths such longing flows,
Yet in my eyes, it can not show.

For I wonder, do you feel
The same way I do? The wheel
of my pain does keep turning, no?
For in your eyes, love can not show.

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The Editing Room has updated its website with the abridged script from The Dukes of Hazzard. Jessica Simpson fans will be crushed to hear that she has completely been removed from the script, but has been replaced by her tits. Enjoy.