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So I went to see “The Stepford Wives” at the dollar theater, and until the last half hour, it was surprisingly good. It was well-paced, it was funny, the casting was perfect, and the writers had carefully updated the situation to work with the postfeminist America that we live in, rather than the 1970s world of the original. I was sitting there in the theater just glowing, thinking, “Wow, Hollywood has done something right!”

Then we got to the last half hour of the movie, and all hell broke loose. Continue Reading »

Before I begin, allow me to state that this anecdote really does have a point. Really. I promise.

So my little sister and I are walking today and we see these two guys riding on one bike. They’re not doing it the “smart” way, where one sits on the seat and the other on the handrail. No, one is sitting on the front of the seat, pedalling, and the other is sitting on the back of the seat, bending his knees so that his feet hang over the back wheel. And my sister, Katie, and I look at them and say to each other, “My, isn’t that unsafe?”

At this point, the second rider slides off the back of the seat, landing himself on the spinning back wheel. Ouch. And from his high-pitched squeal, it doesn’t sound like he landed too comfortably. Considering the direction in which the wheel was turning, he probably ended up with his balls caught between the wheel and the seat. Katie and I die laughing (because we’re women and we realize that we have no concept whatsoever of how that might feel), and make jokes about how that guy will likely never be able to have children after that mishap.

Sadly, this immediately makes me think about evolution… Continue Reading »

Has anyone ever noticed that the World Wildlife Foundation (WWF) only saves cute animals? Let’s think, the last three animals I’ve heard of the WWF trying to help have been the black bears in Ontario, the seals on the northeastern coast, and the pandas in China. Only the latter is an endangered species.

There’s no question it was because the seals were cute. The seal hunt was stopped a few years ago, and since then the seals have become overpopulated. The same goes for the bears. They stayed back in the forests and didn’t bother anyone before the spring bear hunt was stopped. Now they get into the garbage at my grandparents’ house in rural Ontario. My grandfather had to shoot one last year, as it was becoming a danger.

Don’t even get me started on the pandas… Continue Reading »

Y’know, of all the crap that happened due to the millennium (think Y2K scares, people thinking it’s gonna be the end of the world, training yourself to write “20″ instead of “19″ on the date, etc.) there’s one little thing that keeps coming back to bite me in the ass.

Apparently, at that time the Canadian government thought it would be fun to advertise it’s existence by introducing millennium quarters to “ring in the new year.” Sure, they were fun and festive, and at the time everyone enjoyed collecting them…

But nowadays they’re just a minor annoyance because they’re no good for anything. Seriously, you can’t use them for phone calls, you can’t use them for pop machines… I guess they have a different weight or shape than neccessary for quarters, and that’s why no machines will accept them.

A nice gesture, but please, the next time the government wants to remind people it’s alive can’t they just build another statue or something?

Note: Halffull would like to commemorate our first post by someone I don’t know! Hear, Hear!