Paying for our past sins, Or: America, the guilty?

So George Carlin said recently that we’ve been pushing around the world for too long and we paid the piper on 9/11. Pushing the world around with what? Our success? The fact that we’re better than them? Too many people in this country seem to believe that we shouldn’t exist, that this country is wrong and should be abolished because of past wrongs it has committed. They laud other countries and the wonderful things that happen there. So let’s take a look.

Starting with… Europe. Ah, the noble Germans, who wouldn’t lift a finger against Saddam Hussein because it was “wrong”. Yeah. Need I mention millions killed in a bloodthristy rush for power? And don’t tell me it was just Hitler and his buddies, and the rest of the country didn’t know. They knew, they were thirsty for power and once they got a little they wouldn’t stop until they had it all. Oh I know it was in the past. But people keep saying America’s bad for its past, so let the rest of the world pay too! The rest of Europe: France, England, the Dutch, Portugal, Spain…. a looooonnnggggg history of colonizing the rest of the world and killing all the natives they could get their hands on, either outright or by working them to death. Those poor non-white natives. Oh wait, not really, because moving on – Africa.

You know, Africa’s funny. Continue Reading »

Putting kids through to higher grades, Or: “Social Promotion”

So I’ve just read this thing on O’Reilly’s section of Fox News about social promotion, the idea of putting kids through to higher grades when they can’t pass the test for that grade. Well first of all I’m against all that standardized testing, but it’s the same situation if it was based on grades rather than some tests. The point is (at least in NYC and LA) that kids get put through to higher grades, when they can’t do what they’re supposed to do, in order to not hurt their self-esteem.

Why do I smell the fires of the Apocalypse on the horizon? Matter of fact, why is so-called “enlightened” thought so DAMN STUPID. You have little Timmy. Little Timmy is a student living in the inner city area of LA. Little Timmy fails his second-grade exam. Do you put little Timmy through? Hear’s the argument I heard: Yes, because then it’s the third grade teacher’s responsibility to bring him up to speed. Wow. Yeah. Let’s not hurt Timmy’s self-esteem. Here’s the thing. If the kid can’t pass the test, then he’s not doing his work. Either that, or he has a mental condition. And no, ADHD is not an excuse on account of it being a made-up disease. Kids have attention deficit disorder. It’s called BEING A KID. Then you GROW UP. At no point do you need PILLS or SPECIAL TREATMENT. Have I put enough things in caps yet? Continue Reading »

Teddy the three-headed baby-eating liberal explains Iraq to little Suzy

Suzy: Mr. Teddy, why are our troops in Iraq? And why are we people so mad about it?

Teddy: Well Suzy, we’re occupying Iraq. That means that our evil Nazi-loving president, who by the way is “the most dangerous man in the world”, and much, much worse than Saddam Hussein ever was, has forced our soldiers to die so he can steal oil by the boatload from Iraq and give it to his evil crony buddies. On top of all that, the rest of the world all of a sudden hates us just because of this war. Well, that and past foreign policies of Republican presidents. The world hates us because we put America first rather than think of the “global good”. We’re also the most oppressive country in the world, where no one is free to speak their minds. I wish I could live in a place like France where religious freedom is tolerated in the schools, or North Korea where I could protest by burning down Starbucks without police stopping me! Continue Reading »

The Airline officially hates you, or: Smallest Sandwich Ever

See, I used to think that airlines were just incompetent, and that’s probably what they were. You’d get a shitty meal, a tiny, cramped seat, some screaming baby, and some fat sweaty guy sitting next to you invading your personal space like a frenchman. Those, sadly, were the good old days. Then 9/11 happened, and the airlines were given carte blanche to do whatever they wanted. Not to mention that you now had to go through a security screening process that involved removing all sorts of clothing items that you never thought had metal in them (apparently sneakers need to be taken off too), because if you set off the hypersensitive metal detector, the terrorists win. And you’re just as good as gone if you happen to have any sort of pocketknife or corkscrew or anything on your keychain. I’m thinking it’s only a matter of time before keys become illegal to bring on the plane. Meanwhile you know the stupid fucking inspector person gets a cheap thrill out of knowing he has just enough power over you to make you remove your belt and shoes and everything in your pockets and look like a fucking idiot. I noticed something interesting though. They no longer check for drugs. They used to, running this drug thing over your bags and having a dog nearby or something, but now they’re more worried you might have a belt on or that you might speak the word “bomb” while discussing the news. I realized that I totally could have walked right through security with several kilos of cocaine stuffed throughout my person, because that sure doesn’t set off the metal detector… I think. Continue Reading »

Kerry v. Bush, Or: Big Government v. Big Government

It’s as-good-as official, Kerry is gonna be the Democratic candidate for President, and maybe Edwards will be his running mate. Like it matters. The fact is the voters aren’t even being given a choice between the lesser of two evils in November, they’re getting nothing but crap. The only real choice will be whether you want Democrats or Republicans running all the departments, and whether we’re gonna continue to be aggressive against terrorism or whether we’ll politely ask the UN to let us not be killed. Why am I so cynical? Because of Bush’s track record on the war on Government, and Kerry’s outright promises to support the Government’s side. Yes, it is a War on Government, and it’s a war we’ve been fighting since the beginning of the nation. We get taught in our history books to laud the Revolution but to mock the Whiskey Rebellion, or another other assertation of states or people’s rights versus the rights of the government. In later chapters, we’re taught how FDR saved the world with his New Deal and with increased government spending, and taxation. Wealth redistribution at the point of a gun. How wonderful.

So what does Kerry offer us? If you don’t mind this getting lengthy, I’d like to copy and paste directly from John Kerry’s website.

“The first thing John Kerry will do is fight his heart out to bring back the three million jobs that have been lost under George W. Bush. He will fight to restore the jobs lost under Bush in the first 500 days of his administration. Kerry has proposed creating jobs through a new manufacturing jobs credit, by investing in new energy industries, restoring technology, and stopping layoffs in education.

“John Kerry has a plan to secure America’s economic future and ensure that workers can achieve the American dream in our changing economy. John Kerry has the courage to roll back Bush’s tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can invest in education and healthcare. He isn’t afraid to crack down on corporations that are hiding their money in Bermuda to avoid paying their fair share and will end special tax giveaways to companies that ship jobs abroad. And he will defend the rights of workers, consumers and shareholders in holding corporations accountable for their actions. ” –www.johnkerry.com

Hoo boy. Yeah. Let’s tear into this one. Continue Reading »